9021Oh that kind of sucked...

I tried, I really did. And I wanted so badly to like this. Darcy and Michael? Love them. Lucille Bluth? Hilarious. But good Lord. It was just so bland and inexplicably impressed with itself. "Check it out! Cory Kennedy and the Cobra Snake!" "And then it turns out that Annie's dinner date is in San Francisco! And they're taking a jet! And she's not telling mom!" Speaking of Mom, check out the bad parenting on Lori Loughlin. She's going to be late at work (as a fashion photographer like three minutes after arriving in town with a resume that included shooting weddings) so she tells Annie (Darcy) to pick up Grandma's computer. Annie forgets so it's ALL HER FAULT that Grandma then drives drunk and gets into a minor accident. Got that? It's all on Annie, not the adult who got being the wheel snockered.

And speaking of bad parents, secretly smart popular girl... uh... I don't feel like looking her name up. So we'll go with Blondie. Well her parents think she's stupid and don't want her to have to do work at school when she has a super important birthday party coming up. Also, her mom and Annie's dad have a secret son that was given up for adoption, but the drama from that revelation was totally drained when Loughlin found out (off screen) and was pretty much fine with it.

Then there's Silver, Kelly Taylor's little half sis, whose mom fell off the wagon and divorced Silver's dad after finding out from Blondie (apparently) that he was a big ol' cheater. That's why Silver hates her former BFF, with whom she shares a lameass back tat that is some sort of Asian symbol for friendship. And since theirs was over in eighth grade, I guess that means that Beverly Hills kids are so damn cool that they're getting inked in junior high.

In addition to Kelly, Brenda and the Peach Pit (where Nat totally ignored Blondie and Evil Lacrosse Dude getting drunk and mugging down), this new version has clung to the original show's generous use of platitudes and life lessons. Lying is bad and trust is really important. Also, you shouldn't jump to crazy conclusions about people and diss them on your vlog because maybe they’ll turn out to be your new BFF. And if you’re cheating on your girlfriend, it’s because there’s something emotionally lacking in your relationship, not because you’re a 16-year-old who can’t say no to a parking lot beej.

Oh 90210, our fling was brief, but to paraphrase sensitive jock Ethan, I'm not breaking up with you, I'm breaking up with us.

One Tree Hill and the Bechdel Rule

NPR just had a story about TV and the Bechdel Rule, based on a 1985 comic by Alison Bechdel in which one character only sees movies that 1) feature at least two women 2) who talk to one another about 3) something other than men. The story pointed out that often "female-driven" shows like "Grey's Anatomy" don't really pass Bechdel's test. Even when talking medicine, the young docs are usually just speaking in metaphor about their dysfunctional romantic entanglements.

The rule doesn't say the characters can never talk about men. They gave ABC Family's fantastic new show "The Middleman" a shout out for being Bechdel-friendly, and Dub Dub and Lacy talk about their romantic relationships. It's just that they also talk about art and music and stuff other than who's the McDreamiest.

Now would you be surprised if I told you that “One Tree Hill” also featured such independent-minded ladies? No? Is this because my twisted love for the show makes you past being surprised by my mercurial changes of opinion? Fine. But it's true.

Though this season began with a completely man-centric plot -- with whom will Lucas (allegedly) spend the rest of his life?* -- the Bechdel rule holds up. Peyton and Haley do talk a lot about the aforementioned brooder, but the young record label exec and singer/songwriter also talk a lot about music and friendship. Fashion designer Brooke talks mostly business with her evil mother or her adorable assistant Millie. And last season when she decided she wanted to be a mother, romance never entered the equation. It was all about adoption and her readiness to parent, not her readiness to find Mr. Right.

Oh and just in case you're worried that the grown-up Tree Hill is boring, it should be noted that Brooke was attacked while closing up her store (you just know BadMom's behind it because Brooke was going to wrest away control of Clothes Over Bro’s) and she's totally going to buy a gun and go all Jodie Foster in The Brave One. Also? Crazy ass Nanny Carrie is back. Except instead of playing Hand that Rocks the Cradle with the Naley fam, she's playing Misery with everyone's favorite fratricidal Grandpa Dan. She burned him with a hot fork, y'all.

Here's a link to the NPR story: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94202522&ft=1&f=1008

*He totally picked Peyton and I totally squealed because it turns out that I kind of love her. And I feel bad about calling her plywood. She was a little stiff in season one, but the actress has really grown. Seriously. One of the best criers on TV.