You too can dress like your 2nd favorite* attempted date rapist

Don't get me wrong: I too find myself watching TV and thinking "Wow, that's a cute top. I wonder where I can purchase something similar?" I even enjoyed how last season on the CW website, you could look up things like what brand of jeans Lorelai was sporting or who made Veronica's fun graphic thermal. But as I was watching Gossip Girl online (what? I'm all about second chances -- see "Star, Instant"), I was a little grossed out by the happy little box that popped up to tell me where I could find Serena's $500 bag or Jenny's $250 purse, which... isn't Jenny supposed to be the poor one?

TV's a business. And it's not like Gossip Girl is The Wire. I expect brand name-dropping and product placement. There's just something about a thought bubble popping up in the middle of the alleged entertainment to entice me into an online purchase. "Isn't this a great song? It's The Bravery -- buy it NOW!!!" Back in the day of The OC, networks had the decency to say "Hey, now that the show's over, these were the catchy tunes featured." We live in a world of multi-tasking and cross-promotions. Maybe the target audience of Gossip Girl is so wrapped up in their simultaneous IM convos that they don't think twice about viewing and downloading and purchasing all at once. Maybe I'm just old.

*Your favorite attempted date rapist (Dick Casablancas) wouldn't be caught dead in Chuck's nancy-boy threads.

Does this make the wannabe Angel the new Duncan or Logan the new Spike?

God help me, I really wanted to like Moonlight. Sure, a vampire PI in LA, I've seen that before. But Angel didn't have Jason Dohring in all his snarky bad boy glory. Though I was disappointed, I'll admit that the same people who love spending their Friday nights with The Ghost Whisperer will also love seeing a vampire romance the online reporter he has been "watching over" since he saved her life when she was a child. Yeah, that's what I said. He's seen her grow up and now he's ready for a piece. Like James Woods only less wrinkly.

Dohring was fine. It took a while to warm up to hearing that nasal growl come out of the mouth of a different character (especially one in suspenders). And while he brings a dark, dry sense of humor to the role, it was still a bit like watching an undead Logan smack in the middle of his bum fights stage (which, to be fair, was one of his most amusing stages).

Speaking of Veronica Mars, I did squeak with glee when we learned that the dead girl was a coed at Hearst College. But as the characters spent more time snooping around the campus to find the faux vampire killer, I kept wishing Miss Mars would show up to school the blonde reporter in the ways of undercover espionage. Cause really? It was so obviously the TA. It's always the TA; Hearst has a terrible screening process.

Moments in TV Awesome: Grey's Anatomy

You know what? I like George and Izzie. Apparently I'm the only one in the Western hemisphere -- even Shonda Rhimes is like "I never said they were destined to be a great love story" -- but I think their storyline is perfect. I care a lot more about them as a couple than I do McDreamy and Meredith, who in the season opener both needed a big dose of SHUT UP.

Izzie's nice. George is nice. They're best friends and he's married so there's a lot of drama and forbidden angst. What's not to love about that? Is it that she's too hot for him? Cause I think George is pretty adorable and aside from the whole drunkenly cheating on his wife and being in love with another woman thing, in real life, he'd be a way better catch than, say, Karev.

So I present to you a moment that I think is awesome. And yes, I'm aware that their fan name is Gizzie.

Friday Night Lights returns October 5

Or watch it online until September 30 at http://tv.yahoo.com/falltv2007/friday-night-lights/show/38958/videos/4151897

It's times like this that you have to ask yourself, "WWRD?" And as someone who recently saw him at the airport, I'll tell you what Riggins would do. Look hot. Even while rockin' a do rag.

I may be a 13 year-old boy...

But does anyone else think Survivor China sounds like "survive vagina?" Brings new meaning to Outwit Outplay Outlast...

Fall Premiere Schedule

It's that time of year again. Here's a list of the TV shows I'm interested in and when they air. Sorry, Dancing with the Stars and CSI: Boring didn't make the cut.

MONDAY
September 24
8:00 Chuck (NBC)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
8:30 Big Bang Theory (CBS)
9:00 Heroes (NBC)
October 1
8:30 Aliens in America (CW)
October 15
9:30 Samantha Who (AKA I Am Sam) (ABC)
October 22
10:30 Kaya (MTV)

TUESDAY
September 25
8:00 Beauty and the Geek (CW - premiered last week)
9:00 Reaper (CW)
10:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

WEDNESDAY
September 26
9:00 Bionic Woman (NBC)
Private Practice (ABC)
Gossip Girl (CW – premiered last week)
10:00 Life (NBC)
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)
October 3
8:00 Pushing Daisies (ABC)
10:00 South Park (Comedy Central)
10:30 The Sarah Silverman Program (Comedy Central)

THURSDAY
September 27
8:00 My Name is Earl (NBC)
Smallville (CW)
Ugly Betty (ABC)
9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
The Office (NBC)
10:00 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX - already premiered)
October 4
8:30 30 Rock (NBC)

FRIDAY
September 28
9:00 Moonlight (CBS)
October 5
5:00 Degrassi (The N)
9:00 Friday Night Lights (NBC)
October 12
10:00 Men in Trees (ABC)

SUNDAY
September 30
9:00 Desperate Housewives (ABC)
October 21
8:00 Viva Laughlin (CBS)

Moments in TV Awesome: Dead Like Me

Surprisingly it doesn't even involve Mason and Daisy.

The hardest working girl on The N

I'm as happy as the next Canadian 13 year-old that Cassie Steele (Degrassi's Manny Santos) has joined Season Four of Instant Star, but does she have to have such bad hair? I get that her character is named Blu, but not even Pink takes her name that literally anymore. And it really does nothing for her olive complexion. Don't even get me started on her new Degrassi hair. Blonde with mini bangs? The only explanation that I can come up with involves her and Emma merging into one hormonal, sorta slutty pregnancy scare waiting-to-happen. Her hair on the Best Years was fairly normal (save the scenes with the Wonder Woman tiara), but her character has disappeared and so has my interest in the show. Not even Paige ODing on coke and twitching on the floor was enough to stifle my yawn.

Kristen Bell may or may not be filming outside my office. Right now. Or not.

So here's the deal. I work across the street from Palladium (in the building that was used as the NBS offices on Studio 60). Yesterday, one of the parking lots adjacent to the Palladium was being set up to film something.

This morning the Former Subletter (and current coworker) parked his car in a nearby lot and saw make-up people touching up a petite blonde actress whom he immediately thought was KB. "80-20" is his level of sureness.

Now about the set: it certainly looks like a Heroes set. It looks like a shipping yard and there's a big ass green screen behind the whole thing. This is way more exciting than the day we saw Bradly Whitford and Matthew Perry doing pratfalls outside a limo on the same stretch of asphalt.

UPDATE: The FS looked it up and Heroes films a couple of blocks away at Sunset Gowers Studios. So does Dexter. And petite blonde Julie Benz is on that show. The mystery continues!

UPDATE #2: Our IT dude saw the old Indian dude from Heroes at a nearby burger place. He said they were just coming from a shoot. But since the studio's nearby, that doesn't really confirm anything. But isn't he dead?

Gossip Girl Schmossip Girl

After being throroughly underwhelmed by the pilot for Gossip Girl, I started wondering why it didn't work for me. Uniformly attractive kids? Check. Fun locale and clothes to die for? Check. Seth Cohen-style misfit who's way to cute to be anonymous at even the poshest private school, but somehow is? Check.

The formula was there, but the spark wasn't. And then I got to thinking about another soap about uniform-wearing kids and misbehaving adults that recently caught my attention. Hollyoaks. I've only caught a handful of episodes on BBC America, but they've all left me wanting more. Uniformly attractive kids? Nope, some of 'em are pretty homely. Fun locale and clothes to die for? Not really. Pacey Witter-style teacher's pet who has now made a decidely non-Pacey move by turning on the mother of his unborn child and charging her with statch? Check!

American soaps are generally about the rich and fabulous and while I'm all for that brand of escapism, I'll take a good storyline about a pub explosion over a dull debutante debacle any day of the week.

Tim Gunn's Elements of Style

If I had a magic lamp, one of my wishes would definitely be for Tim Gunn to be my uncle. Though he wouldn't be terribly interested in my early years (beyond hand smocking Easter dresses and starting my first charm bracelet), we would grow close after picking out the perfect prom dress in a last minute rush. In my college years, we'd settle into a comfy routine of shopping and lunching at unbearably fancy places. He'd bemoan my penchant for flats and hoodies and I'd agree to at least try on the pumps and pencil skirts. Then Veronica Webb would show up to help me buy cute underwear, which would be fine. I would, however, forget to show up for my appointment with his weird life coach friend.

Opening Credits Bonanza: Original Themes

These shows not only had cool credits, they also had kickass theme songs with original lyrics to accompany them. Makes the folks over at Lost look like a bunch of slackers, am I right?

Before (and after) TV made them stars

Even though I bought it years ago on DVD (at Target for $5 so shut up), if DRIVE ME CRAZY is on TV, I'm watching it. As a connoisseur of the genre, I'll tell you that this underrated teen comedy falls somewhere between SHE’S ALL THAT and 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU. How have those involved fared since DRIVE ME CRAZY was released in 1999? Somewhere between FREDDIE and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Some of them got started on TV. Some of them are now TV stars. Some of them don’t work much. Let’s take a look!

MELISSA JOAN HART was the title characters on the sitcoms CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL (brilliant!) and SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH (not-so-brilliant). After playing DMC’s Type-A Nicole, she squeezed the last drop of entertainment value out of SABRINA and added director to her resume, helming episodes of the teen shows TANIA and SO WEIRD (starring, ahem, Alexz Johnson).

Like Hart, STEPHEN COLLINS was well-known from TV before playing her deadbeat dad. Since the death of his inexplicably long-running series 7TH HEAVEN, he has mostly stuck to appearing in films, but he did make a hilarious guest appearance last season on IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA.

Dreamy boy-next-door Chase (ADRIAN GRENIER) has also made forays into directing and films, but is now famous for playing coincidentally-named movie star Vincent Chase on HBO’s critically acclaimed comedy ENTOURAGE.

Of the supporting cast, HEROES star ALI LARTER is probably the most well known, but LOURDES BENDICTO played slain bank teller Eva on ABC’s short-lived THE NINE and after appearing on JACK & BOBBY, KERI LYNN PRATT had recurring roles last season on BROTHERS & SISTERS and VERONICA MARS (as the slutty sorority girl who seduced Patty Hearst). Also last season, Pratt’s boorish boyfriend JORDAN BRIDGES was a regular on CONVICTION and snooty KERAM MALICKI-SANCHEZ had a recurring role on THE L WORD.

And who wrote DMC? Drumroll, please. VERONICA MARS creator ROB THOMAS. Is it any wonder that the only fault I find in the film is in the execution and not the smart, quippy script?

South of Nowhere/North of Awesome

I love The N, but I'm wary of their non-Canadian programming. Beyond the Break? South of Nowhere? Those people are too pretty for The N! They're so shiny and cookie-cutter. I'm all for awkward stages and bad haircuts, Degrassi-style. My first thought upon seeing bits of South of Nowhere was "Wow. So it's like softcore for tweens? The two cutest lipstick lesbians on the West Coast found one another and spend all their time frolicking in SoCal. Yawn."

I was so wrong. What seemed like a wispy soap is an often heart wrenching drama about prejudice, family and love. In contrast to Degrassi’s issue of the week, SoN uses its issues as a backdrop for an ongoing story about a family that relocates from Ohio to Los Angeles. The heart of the show is Spencer, who upon moving to LA is drawn to sexually rebellious Ashley, the wild child of a rock star. Three seasons in, Spencer has come to terms with her sexuality, come out to an understanding father and a homophobic mother, and dealt with the loss of her first love. And now her new girlfriend is showing abusive tendencies. Drama!

Last season’s mostly peripheral turf warfare culminated in a drive-by shooting at prom. In the first episode of this season, it was revealed that Spencer’s overachieving adopted brother Clay was among the casualties. It takes balls to not only kill off a main character, but also to leave a gaping hole in his wake. You know what makes for compelling TV? His imperfect family and reluctantly pregnant girlfriend struggling to cobble their lives back together.

Degrassi Sneak Peak

So Season 7's going to freaking rule, y'all. And I have to say, the choice to integrate Lakehurst and Degrassi is potentially brilliant. The influx of new (and presumably younger) characters will keep the franchise going and the residual anger of JT's death will bring high school histrionics to new and beautiful heights.

Also? Can we talk about Manny's bangs (and eventual blonde dye job) and Spinner with a mutha scratchin' Mohawk? Hardcore!