Thursday, December 07, 2006

It's a One-derful Tree Hill

This week One Tree Hill forcibly fondled an American holiday classic. They didn't go so far as to rape It's a Wonderful Life, but they did touch it inappropriately without Frank Capra's consent.

The episode picks up where last week's left off (one would assume; I didn't actually make it to the end of last week's episode) with Rick Fox plowing into a pregnant Haley, Nathan pulling Fox out of his totaled car and beating him (possibly, but probably not to death) and Luke having a heart attack. Luke wakes up and finding the streets of Tree Hill empty, chases down a stranger to ask the time. It turns out it's his dead uncle Keith.

Dun dun dun.

Luke feels guilty that Fox ran over Haley (he refused to follow the former Laker's order to throw the state championship, thus inciting his rage) so Keith shows him what Tree Hill would be like if Luke hadn't led such a selfless life. Hold the phone. Luke's selfless? The guy who cheated on Brooke with her best friend, abandoned his mom to move away with Keith and kept his heart condition a secret in order to remain on the basketball team? We're to believe that all of that was for the greater good? Fine, but I refuse REFUSE! to believe Nathan's declaration that he loves Dan.

In addition to giving him a glimpse of the Tree Hill that could have been, Keith also lets Luke eavesdrop on the living. In the process we get to see Dan take responsibility for his younger son's "crime," Brooke and Peyton tearfully make up for the 53rd time and creator Mark Schwan in a cameo as a douchetastic record store worker.

Here's what would have been different if Luke wasn't such a saint:
1. Peyton would never have been recognized as such a prolific artist.
2. She also would have died in the school shooting because Luke wasn't reckless enough to run in after her.
3. Her death would have turned Brooke into a smokin' hot Goth chick with artistic tendencies and a vitriolic hatred of Lucas.
4. Haley would not be a pregnant, comatose teenaged bride, but a celebrity of Chris Keller caliber.

I gotta tell you, I can see why Lucas still waivered on whether or not his life was worthwhile.

To get his nephew back on track, Keith shows Luke what will happen if he dies. Will his mother go crazy from the loss of her son on top of the loss of her unborn child's father? Will Skillz become a street tough? Will Nathan and Haley's baby grow up without someone to show him the proper ratio of mousse to hair? No. Peyton will sad for, like a really long time. Yawn.

THIS makes Lucas decide to live. Because he wants to tell that blonde piece of plywood that he loves her? Seriously? It's not the "I figured out who really killed you and I'm going to avenge your death" that spectral Keith was clearly hoping for, but I guess it saves 12 year old girls a lot of sleepless nights of sobbing and marking Chad Michael Murray posters with smuggy lip gloss kisses.

So Lucas lives and Haley wakes up and the baby's gonna be fine despite being jarred in his snuggly amniotic oven by a former NBA journeyman.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did I miss my chance to see Brooke as a "smokin hot goth chick"?!? Damn you WB for airing so much worthless crap I forget to check you to see if anything good might accidentally come on!

St. Clare said...

Oh, Hamlet. I'm sure there will be a rerun at some point. It was nice though and when Brooke screamed for Luke to get away from her, I couldn't help think it was probably the least amount of acting Sophia Bush has had to do all season.

And don't forget, the WB is dead. Long live the CW.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon this tragic manhandling of It's a Wonderful Life the other night as well. I swear I don't normally watch One Tree Hill, but it was like a car wreck I couldn't turn away from. I'm still bitter that the CW kept shows like this one and cancelled Everwood:( On the other hand, Shylia is a frequent One Tree Hill viewer. When I called her after this episode to confirm that this was indeed one of the worst shows on television, she was absolutely distraught that she had forgotten to watch it. I filled her in on the high points, like when Keith shocked Lucas back to life with jumper cables. However, your recap was much better and I will direct her here to get her One Tree Hill fix.

Anonymous said...

Rerun? You mean the pretty girl in the box will dress up sexy again? What a wonderful world I live in