Breaking News: American Idol is mean!

I hope you're sitting down, 'cause it turns out that American Idol (that show you've been hearing so much about, but probably never got around to watching) shows footage of bad singers and the judges actually make fun of them. I know! This must have just started because I don't ever remember seeing any obviously mentally challenged or socially retarded dreamers getting crushed under Simon's boot before this very season.

American Idol is a cultural phenomenon. Mixed in with getting to see Kelly, Fantasia, Carrie (and those much less interesting guys) realize their wildest dreams, is the sick pleasure of watching others fall. It sucks that people are mocked on national TV and that we, the public, tune in like Pavlov's dogs, hoping to see something as hilarious as an autistic kid getting called fat or a Special Olympian being told he's a talentless bush baby. It's entertainment fashioned out of shattered dreams.

So go ahead, America, pretend you’re upset that Simon crossed some unseen line or that you didn’t howl with vicious laughter at any of those achingly pathetic contestants (counting your lucky stars that at least you aren’t them). But don’t pretend that the show is now anything other than what it’s always been or that you tuned in because you just love the music.