Shows that are dead to me: An Update

I made it through about half the episode online when I realized that I no longer care about a single character. And this from the girl who never gave up on Duncan Kane.

The Black Donnellys don’t get women

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the show’s filled with deeply complex male characters, but the women… my God.

We’ve got Jenny, the unknowing widow, who can’t seem to stop having completely regrettable sex.

And then there’s Huey’s widow, whose name I frankly don’t care to look up. Her mob boss husband just got wacked and she’s leaning hard on a young man she barely knows, but inexplicably trusts. You know who would never fall for Tommy’s shit (even with those abs)? Carmella Soprano.

And Mama Donnelly? Bitch is crazy, y’all. She thinks its ArtGirl’s fault that Sean got his face smashed open. It’s a good thing her sons aren’t man enough to tell her that it’s Kevin’s gambling debts that lost Pretty Boy the first part of his title.

My favorite part of this week’s episode was when Sampson taught us how to treat a lady: bed her and then inform her former (and I thought secret, but apparently not) lover. You know, just so everyone’s on the same page.

Why are all the major female characters widows? How did Louie's cell phone keep its charge for so long? Why am I still watching this show?

Dear Tommy Donnelly...

Stop looking at me with those sad puppy eyes. I'm serious. I've gotta say, I don't think you know how much hope I had for you. Do you know how many times I watched the pilot? I'll say six so you don't think I'm a weirdo, but it was probably more. And what do I get in return? A muddled, poorly plotted, glacially paced "drama" about four brothers, who frankly, I'm shocked are not dead. Does Kevin even have a fourth grade education? And Jimmy? Don't even get me started. In the pilot we're told that his life changes because he goes to rehab. But he didn't go. You know what would have been dramatic? If the second episode picked up a month or two after the pilot and we saw Jimmy trying to walk the straight and narrow while you were struggling with your new life in crime.

Instead we've got him walking around (sometimes with a limp, sometimes without) telling anyone who will listen that you and Kevin killed Huey. I realize he's a junky, but Jesus! And what's with all this Huey was a great guy BS? I'm so freaking bored with all of it. And Dokey and his ax are as tedious as the humor of Joey Ice Cream.

Damn it, Tommy! Listen to me. I sound jaded and I hate that. But what I saw as a promising spin on the Godfather for a different medium has turned out to be recycled muck. And I'm going to predict your affair with Huey's widow right now. Playing father figure to that weird kid from the Omen isn't going to assuage your guilt and it's a trite plot point, but I'm sure that's where we'll be headed next. Lame, lame, lame.

You bastard, you've made me think fondly of Studio 60. And that, my former friend, is unforgivable.

-SC

PS. Keep up the high protein diet, you look fab!

The Black Donnellys: A Stone of the Heart + Bonus Online Episode

Art student or ultimate fighter? Seriously. Tommy's ripped. Distractingly so. But onto the plot, which was disappointing compared to the pilot. Tommy continues to clean up his brothers' messes, disposing of Louie Downtown's fetid corpse, giving the Italians back their ransom money and desperately trying to keep Jimmy in jail so he has to complete rehab. He manages to fit in a tryst with Jenny, but scrubbing Louie's blood out of the bar and seeing how deep Tommy is in, makes her reconsider their chance at a future. At least they got a hot hookup, which is more than most will they/won't they couples.

In other news, Nicky is still a scary Italian, Hughie's brother is a scary Irishman and Mama Donnelly is a scary enabler. Kevin's still Fredo and Sean's still in ICU with a messed up face. The episode did little to advance plot or character. It also got terrible ratings, so we'll see how long it can hold on. I'm hoping it's long enough to live up to the potential in the pilot.

NBC.com is offering an exclusive online episode that's allegedly too explosive for TV. In this case explosive is a synonym for bloated and pointless. Kevin beats up the witness in Jimmy's case and would be arrested if the old man didn't get immediately hit by a bus. Seriously. It was lame and predictable. Also, Sean doesn't have health insurance and the EVIL hospital is transferring him to the ward where incompetent interns nearly kill you with morphine. Mama Donnelly passive aggressively makes this Tommy's problem and he spends the episode trying to prove that Sean's got insurance through the union and failing that, bargains with a paper pusher using an airconditioning unit and the man's fingers. It's as ridiculous as it sounds. And apparently Jenny's dad hates the Donnellys. Yawn.

I'll still tune in next week. I'm nothing if not a sucker for cute bad boys.

Black Donnellys pilot available online now

I've seriously watched the screener of this pilot six times. It's fantastic. The only thing that disappoints me about the final product is the changed music. Arcade Fire's Rebellion Lies has been replaced with something that makes Tommy's descent into crime far less haunting. It's a shame, but it's still a damn fine pilot.

Watch it on Yahoo now.
http://tv.yahoo.com/the-black-donnellys/show/38704;_ylt=Avdb3g4h37YxkOzbT8hPA7_ko9EF

And don't forget: it premieres Monday, February 26 on NBC

Promising Pilot Alert: The Black Donnellys

NBC's midseason replacement is from Paul Haggis and writing partner Robert Moresco. A lot of people (especially in Los Angeles) had a very strong (and not necessarily positive) reaction to Crash. I saw it as an allegory and not as a reflection of actual life in LA. None of that matters as far as The Black Donnellys is concerned.

Set in New York, the show is about the Donnellys brothers, four Black Irish boys living just to the left of the law. Pictured from left: Sean (Michael Stahl-David) is the baby and a big hit with the ladies. Kevin (Billy Lush) is unlucky, but fiercely loyal. Jimmy (Tom Guiry, Smalls from The Sandlot!) is a hotheaded smalltime crook with a substance abuse problem and a pub called the Firecracker Lounge. Tommy (Jonathan Tucker) is the responsible (and super duper dreamy) one with a shot at life outside the confines of the old neighborhood; he's heartbreaking.

Our story is told to a couple of detectives by unreliable narrator, Joey Ice Cream (Keith Nobbs), and the pilot stretches from the day when, as a child, Jimmy was crippled by a hit and run driver to the series of events that drive the boys far outside the realm of legal activity. Says Little Lady, "They're like Labrador puppies running a crime ring."

Without giving too much away, The Black Donnellys is part Godfather, part Sleepers. The characters, including the boys' childhood friend Jenny Reilly (a subdued Olivia Wilde) and Italian heavy Nicky Cottero (Kirk Acevedo of Oz) are well-drawn and distinct without being Quirky. The photography is beautiful, the pace is taut and the music is perfect (Arcade Fire's "Rebellion Lies" is so achingly perfect in the final montage).

It was the best pilot I've seen in a long time and I'm looking forward to seeing where the series takes us next.