Moments in TV Awesome: Veronica Mars

Dick started out as a day player, merely one of Logan's minions who got to say things like "Let's kick his ass." When he was given a bigger role, that of Logan's main goon, he was just a malevolent source of comic relief. Then Beaver died and we got to see a more complex dick and some nice work from Ryan Hansen. I now present an evolution from dick to Dick.




Now let's hope he just gets the drinking under control in cancellation heaven.

The Best/Worst Years

So The Best Years went from promising to bad to so bad it's awesome. In last week's episode, they were all at a pep rally and some jock refused to let Samantha (that's her with the brown hair and the bangs) see superstar jock Devon (dread dude) unless she proved her school spirit by jumping over a lame ass bonfire. Seriously. And she was all set (with everyone chanting after Devon announced her totally awesome intentions to the crowd), but she stopped short and Devon looked like "Man, you really don't love me if you're unwilling to jump over fire for me. Bitch." Then his actual girlfriend Shannon (not pictured) pathetically leapt over the flames and into his arms. It was so lame that I watched it three times. And it didn't stop being funny.

Then the shit got even better. Devon and Samantha both PHYSICALLY ATTACKED their romantic rivals for each others affection and sweet nerdy Cynthia (not pictured) got super drunk after seeing her crush Noah (far left) kiss Samantha and said to Sam: "In Sammy's world, everything's just peachy...she gets whatever and whoever the hell she wants. Well Sam, guess what, in Cynthia's world, I see through your lies and if I could go back in time, you would have died that night and not John. You would have cracked your head on the hard ground. You. You stupid, self-obsessed, backstabbing bitch." I know! And while all that was going on, a scene from the show-within-the-show, Bel Air High, was playing and in THAT, Manny from Degrassi was coming onto Snaps (the chick with the curly hair). And that's when I knew that there was no way for me to turn away from a masterpiece like The Best Years.

When a good show goes bad, it's called jumping the shark. This episode of The Best Years inspired the Subletter to coin a new phrase: Jumping the fire. It's for that special moment when a bad show becomes legendary (see: Hill, One Tree).

This week was even better. There was an actually good storyline involving Snaps and the Bartender (the dude pictured with her in the middle) finding out that their beloved Lee is HIV positive. Snaps and Bartender are my favorite characters (and the best actors) but I totally don't know their actual character names. Weird. Anyway, the rest of the hour was a countdown to Cynthia's living up to the promos and trying to kill herself. Unfortunately, the character is mentally ill and was most likely molested by her dad and no matter how you come at that (even with bad acting and crazy behavior) that's not hilarious. But you know what is hilarious? Samantha literally trying to talk Cyn off a ledge with this bon mot: “If you do this, it’ll be all my fault. It will mess me up forever if I have to watch you do this.” Cynthia was right. She is a self-obsessed bitch.

Weevil love you long time...

...Just not on Veronica Mars. He will, however, appear on the next episode of my favorite LA crime drama, The Closer, on Monday, July 30 at 9 on TNT (confession: I usually watch the repeat on Tuesday). So come to find out what's wrong with Brenda (pregnancy is obvious, maybe it's something scarier) and stay for Weeves. You know you miss him.

Moments in TV Awesome: Wonderfalls

Wonderfalls was a brilliant (and only slightly flawed) show that blended the absurd and the ordinary with healthy doses of surreal sarcasm. I recently saw Michelle Featherstone perform live and I suddenly realized where I'd heard her haunting voice before: over this perfectly heartbreaking scene.

Jaye has come to tell Eric that she loves him and stop his impending remarriage to his whoring wife Heidi. Unfortunately, Eric has made his own momentous decision, to stop waiting for Jaye to admit she loves him and to honor the vows he made to Heidi. Oof.

Why Emma's a bitch, Reasons 4,037 - 4,041

Emma and Sean are going to have sex (yeah, as Manny pointed out, we've heard that one before) so she takes into account the mistakes of her mother and best friends by getting a prescription for birth control and stocking up on prophylactics of the presumably correct size. Yay, Emma! But then Snake finds out and is understandably freaked out. He tells Spike that as one of Emma's parents, he'd like to contribute to the sex discussion and Emma glibly says that he contributes by cooking nightly dinners. Like a servant. Instead of acknowledging his feelings and explaining that she's protecting herself and capable of making her own decision, Emma plays the "You're just my STEP dad" card. Excuse me, bitch, would you rather have the sex talk with your REAL dad? The one who tried to KILL your mother while she was in labor? The one who's literally kind of retarded? I didn't think so.

So after being a complete cooze, Emma approaches Snake at school and accuses him of being unable to handle that she's "a sexual being." Ick. Meanwhile, he's like, "Can we talk about this later, I'm trying to fix a computer and I'm at work." To further awkward up the situation, Emma turns her power point assignment into a lecture on how men stifle women's sexuality. There's some blathering about double standards and she has somehow talked stupid, stupid Sean into posing shirtless for this project. I'm guessing he's also the one who bound her with duct tape, a symbolic move that will be forever be seared into the brain of her hapless father figure. And after all this horrible behavior, Snake tells her that she's right and apologizes for taking her growing up so hard. Argh! Does it mean I'm too old to watch Degrassi if I'm like "I'd ground that bitch for a month"?

Speaking of bitches, Paige has three: Spinner, Ellie's recent ex Jesse and Miss Alex, who against all odds, still loves herself some Michalchuk.

Toothless Secularization

Side Order of Life, in all its Ally McBeal-lite zaniness, is so damn blah. At the root of this is what I assume is a fear of turning off viewers with talk of the G word. That’s right, God has been replaced by “The Universe,” which is trying to tell our Calista-like protagonist that she needs to focus deeper than the shiny surface of life.

The milquetoast choice for our main character to undergo an existential crisis without any real spiritual questioning (even Wonderfalls’ narcissistic Jaye wondered if she was talking to God or the Devil) is indicative of the rest of the show’s problems. Everything is pleasant, never really plunging the depths of what could be a really interesting story. Sure, it’s not so nice that Vivy has cancer, but she retains her moxy and lives only to spout clichés about living life to the fullest (though she turns down a seductive gesture from a cute friend – who has time to screw when you’re fixing your BFF’s boring life?). Jenny’s news piece about the woman with three husbands and a lover? It all works out fine (and allegedly Pulitzer-worthy)! The lady wasn’t LEGALLY married to anyone so no need for any icky consequences.

From a network that so recently stepped up with the compellingly warts-and-all Army Wives, I’m disappointed in the utter meh of Side Order of Life and the usually sparkling Lili Taylor’s similarly lackluster State of Mind. My Universe, I’m looking forward to Holly Hunter’s new TNT show Saving Grace. It looks like it may have the balls to make more thought-provoking statements than “He’s like a great pair of shoes that’s not in your size.”

Similar Show Smackdown: Greek vs. The Best Years

Both shows are about college, but the similarities don't stop there! They each feature a campus celebrity, a token black dude, a shaggy lothario with a heart of gold and a girl who gets into a sorority despite mugging down with the boyfriend of one of her future sisters. So who will win in this cable TV fight-to-the-death?
Rusty and Casey, the brother/sister stars at the forefront of Greek, are pretty damn perfect. They have a sweet sibling chemistry that I really buy and I'm already invested in the variety of characters that fill out their lives. I love the subtext-laden, but all smiles talk that Casey had with the pledge who unapologetically screwed Casey's boyfriend as well as the loyalty of Rusty's new brothers. Sure they kept him up all night doing light gardening in the backyard, but they're not going to let him flunk a pre-requisite for his major. Some of the sorority girls are a little cartoonish (mostly the president), but for the most part, Greek's an honest portrayal of the college life I experienced (though for the record, I was not in a sorority).

Other things I was not in college: a former foster child who witnessed and was tempted to cover up a death on the first day of school. The Best Years had an impressive pilot, but the following episodes have been a little on the meh side. The wad has been blown on the will they/won’t they relationship between Samantha and Devon. I’m dreading the future storylines that revolve around a couple that I actively dislike as a pair. I suppose it’s asking too much for our heroine to notice a sweetie like Noah, who despite looking 30, has won my heart. Who else do I love against my better judgment? Dawn and Trent with their actual will they/won’t they tension. And now that Kathryn’s ceased her inexplicable war against Samantha, maybe she won’t make me wanna gouge my own eyes out.

Here's what it comes down to, kids: honestly good TV vs. Canadian(?) Teenage Melodrama. I love both, but while I’m watching The Best Years for the veiled references to and guest appearances by cast members of Degrassi, I'll be watching Greek because I’m genuinely want to spend time with these characters.

Snap Judgements: A Model Life

So Petra Nemcova's hosting a new show on TLC. The premise? She mentors young models who have the opportunity to win a modeling contract and get a foot hold in the industry. Sound familiar? Yeah, I'm hoping Tyra invites her to come on her talk show, where she'll go all Naomi Campbell and make that whole Tsunami thing seem like a picnic. That said, Petra's show (for better and worse) seems a lot more realistic, which makes for compelling TV.

British beauty Abigail is one of my favorites so far. Mostly because she doesn't seem like a bitch. The modeling agents aren't sure if she's a model or just a 16 year old kid. I was impressed when she shyly admitted that music's her passion and that she plays clarinet, saxophone, flugelhorn, and piano. That's so adorable.

Angelika's a douchebag. A California girl who doesn't really want to model, just make a "difference," she equates depth with dressing like a hobo and being rude and distant. My favorite moment? When a friendly makeup artist asked who her favorite models were and her response, dripping with disdain was "It's more about who my favorite PEOPLE are."

Beatrice is Brazilian and kind of dumb. At first I thought it was a lost in translation thing, but now I'm thinking it's an "I dropped out of school at 14 to model" thing. The most real moment of the episode came when she was told by one of the agents that she was too heavy to do an upcoming show and she'd need to lose weight. Instead of crying and talking about how unfair that was Top Model-style, she nodded and said "In the hips? Okay." Wow. On so many levels.

Lucia's Slovakian and I kind of love her. She's giggly and fun and has big blue eyes. She's quite friendly and her perfect English is a result of wanting so badly to make it as a model. As a person who flubbed college French, I have to give her props on that one.

Michelle’s one of those totally awkward weird models. When she arrived in New York, her hair was BAD. Apparently it’s very curly and she’s had two not-so successful straightening perms. Issues with curly hair? I feel ya, girl, but that short cut? Yikes. The agents try to fix it, but just make her look more alien, which could just be her thing. She kind of reminds me of early Twiggy.

Aussie Valeria’s favorite actor is Seann William Scott. If I didn’t love her before that admission, I do now. She’s the prettiest without makeup, very fresh and sweet, but in their first photo shoot, she was quite bland. I'm still rooting for her, cause damned if I don't love an underdog.

Will I watch A Model Life next week? Maybe if I have another sad Friday night of watching What Not to Wear and catching whatever's on afterward. If not, I'll probably end up spending a future Sunday being sucked into one of those marathons that make the world stop and to-do lists disappear. Hmmm. Marathons...

Kick Ass Casting News: Smallville

Need two reasons to watch Smallville next year? Michael Cassidy (Hidden Palms's Cliff, The OC's Zach) is all but confirmed as a new Lois love interest and Laura Vandervoort (Instant Star's Sadie) will be Supergirl. So yes, I'll be swallowing the bile that rises every time I look at Lana and tuning in. The addition of Canadian Vandervoort is especially fun since one of my favorite TV games is Spot the Working Canuck Actor. Vancouver-based shows like Kyle XY, Battlestar, Eureka and Men in Trees are positively chock full of Canadians you never knew you always loved.

In sad casting news (not Fillion on DH sad, but close), Sam Huntington is going to be on ABC's Geico Cavemen sitcom. Maybe it'll be a savvy parody of modern racism. Maybe Huntington will bring the same wide-eyed humor he rocked in Not Another Teen Movie and Veronica Mars. Or maybe he'll be buried under mounds of prosthetic makeup and bad jokes. No matter what, I'll now have to give it a courtesy look. Damn my loyalty.

Degrassi: Free Fallin'

Paige's life is imploding just as ex girlfriend Alex is coming into her own (top grades, cute new girlfriend, adorable new makeover). At prestigious Banting, Paige is suddenly no longer a big fish in a little pond. She's under tremendous pressure and has started having panic attacks and acting a little wacky (intentionally setting a trashcan fire, plagiarizing and essay, lying to her friends about a scholarship back in Toronto). Like I said, wacky.

Lauren Collins pulls off Paige's sometimes hard-to-follow actions and the bizarro world she finds herself in is something a lot of high school overachievers stumble into. I remember the sudden stress of studying subjects that didn't come as easily and worrying about impressing (or just not disappointing) intimidating professors and proud parents. Her downward spiral is reminiscent of the meltdowns in her rape storyline, but it feels like the writers haven't taken into account how much stronger she's become since moving past that Season 2 heartbreak.

My favorite moment of the episode: Marco singing the Instant Star ditty "Anyone But You" at Karaoke.

Moments in TV Awesome: American Idol

This moment is why Kelly Clarkson is a star. She's got the chops, but she's also so endearing. This performance still gives me chills.


Fantasia is the first idol I was all about. I voted for her non-stop and this performance had me in tears. Literally. I was shocked, but it was so moving and perfect. Stick around after the performance for Quentin Tarantino's comments.


The fact that Carrie Underwood's a fellow Okie was all I needed to start rooting for her, but this was the jaw-dropping performance that blew me away.

Jake Kane in the bedroom with a revolver

Hidden Palms is over. Yawn. Cliff was so trustworthy and sweet the whole episode that I was totally prepared (and excited) for him to get away with murder. Then the mention of Skip's long ago affair with Maria (and let's face it, the proximity of Secor as a shady dad) made me wonder if Greta and Eddie were half siblings. It would have given us a reason as to why he was boffing secret BFF Liza (he could no longer stomach the wooden affection of his half-sis!). And it would have given Greta Blah Blah Boringcakes a motive. Sort of.

Greta as the killer is about the only thing that would have redeemed her in my eyes. But, of course, she was an unwitting bystander in the murder(s) and the cover-up(s), just as she is in life. A catalyst and a whiner, but not a girl of action, that one.

The series was wrapped up fairly tidily with a bit too much happily ever after for anything with such a moody title sequence and so much freaking suicide. Bob and Mom are going to be married forever, Cliff and Nikki are going to give a plain ol’ dysfunctional teenage relationship a shot, Liza and Greta hugged and apparently Johnny’s now over his dad’s death. Or something. Oh and Skip will no doubt be brought to justice for the 2-3 murders he carried out.

Even with its literal bang, Hidden Palms sputtered its last breath, skidding to a halt as it ran low on different ways for Johnny to be led astray by people he should seriously not trust. I'll miss Cliff, Nikki and Leslie Jordan. Dog kicking, alcoholism and stone sober drag queen-ery has never been so fun.

Damn it, Fillion!

I don't wanna watch Desperate Housewives. I don't have time to fit it into my viewing schedule and frankly, I can't stand Gabrielle or Lynette or Teri Hatcher. Or that girl who plays Teri Hatcher's daughter. So don't expect me to follow you over to that soapy "satire" just because you're a-going*.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ie1d5fd3d6e69dbc7844738feedb2c3a3

*I'll totally be tuning in, for I am weak and he is Fillion.