Veronica Mars: Spit and Eggs

Holy Frak! So here’s what happened: Lillith house is totally happy because the frats got kicked off campus, so they go on a Na-na-na-na-boo-boo kick and forget all about the whole There’s Still a Rapist on the Loose thing. But plucky Parker doesn’t forget! She passes out rape whistles and drug testing coasters and believes in the goodness of people to respond upon hearing “Rape!” And I love her even more now.

Dean O’Dell bends to rich alumni pressure and goes on Piz’s radio show to announce that the Greeks will remain on campus. He barely has time to worry about the angry grrrls throwing eggs at his minivan and the jackasses in the Hummer because he’s afraid his wife’s having an affair. And she is, which we knew, but it’s still sad when he gets all trembly-handed looking at the proof. Mindy sucks. And apparently the horny prof is a stoner.

Also, the slutty girl with the slight curvature of the spine that Dick nailed? Totally dating Tim the creepy TA. And he breaks up the Pi’s big party to yell that she’s a slut (seriously), brag that he’s been getting plenty too (seriously?), and just generally seem really sad and serve as a red herring for anyone who might still think he was the Hearst rapist.

Veronica and the gang (minus Logan who broke up with her at the start of the episode and Parker, who’s probably not up for any parties where the rapist promises to find a new victim) head to the party to test drinks and save ladies. After running into Logan, V agrees to let him go help a girl they think has been drugged and he takes Wallace with. But! Veronica soon finds out that the girl who was actually drugged was using her sister’s ID so Wallace and Logan are headed to the wrong place.

She goes to help the girl and hides Big Bad Wolf style in her bed while listening to Mercer do his best Patrick Bateman impression; it’s good and by “good” I mean “ew!” There’s a struggle involving her taser and he roughs her up, but in the end, Veronica stabs Mercer in the leg with a unicorn. Yes, you read that correctly. Girls love unicorns; it’s the truth.

She runs away and right into Moe, who gives her a soothing cup of tea. After he leaves to get help, she notices a pic of him with Mercer, which judging from their attire looks as though it was taken during last year’s prison sociology experiment, which Moe called “Life changing.” V also realizes that she’s been drugged. She calls her dad for help, but he doesn’t answer and while hiding in the closet, woozy with a hammer, she finds a box of hair. Oh my God! Moe’s a total sicko, you guys. And I bet it was him leaving gross #2s and he just wanted to talk to everyone about it because he’s a perv that way. Mercer shows and they demonstrate that no matter what that Secretary movie taught us, masochists and sadists shouldn’t always find each other. Keith calls V back and the boys find her, but she blows her rape whistle.

Parker to the rescue! She hears the whistle, goes to investigate and sees a bloody Mercer on his way back from retrieving GHB to dose our heroine. She screams “Rape!” and boys come out of their room. Everyone stands around, not sure what’s going on and after the rapists (rapers, if you’re Dick) scamper away, Parker finds Veronica.

Keith easily tracks down M&M Rape Factory (too far?) and they get put in the county jail. Logan busts the hell out of some law enforcement vehicles in order to earn an invitation to the clink. We haven’t seen his angry violent side in a while and in this case and I, for one, am happy that it will soon be introduced to Mercer's pretty face. I hope it also spends some quality time with Moe's delicate ribs and most of Mercer's vital organs.

Meanwhile in who’s gonna end up dead land: Veronica tells Keith about Prof. Landry and after some verification, he tells the dean, who gets piss drunk and barges into the Neptune Grand love nest of his wife and Landry. And he’s got a gun. We don’t see what happens, but later he wakes up in his office and Mr. Burns-style asks, “What are you doing here?” to an unseen visitor. Fellow boxing enthusiast Weevil finds him (probably) dead in the morning. My guess: Greco!

Is anyone still reading? Didn’t think so. But here’s some miscellaneous stuff anyway: Veronica’s got a new haircut, I suddenly really want Piz and Mac to get together (how cute would that be?) and I’m guessing that Veronica’s A-earning Perfect Murder Paper was the one that killed off Lamb. I’m also supporting Ms. Drew’s theory that the paper will somehow tie into the dean’s murder.