Opening Credits Bonanza: My Childhood

No matter where I was in the house, the first chords of these themes would send me running for the den.

Greek: Separation Anxiety

Last night, my bff/college roomie/hetero-lifemate Mac called and said "Do you remember how we used to IM each other from across the room? They're totally doing it on Greek." This is a variation on a conversation we frequently have about the show. “Remember when drinking before noon (on a week day) was socially acceptable?” “Remember theme parties?” “Remember when our friends took pharmaceutical psychostimulants to study for tests and didn't OD'd or get caught in order to teach us a lesson about life?” You get the idea: We miss college.

And this show, like college, is all about grey area. As much as I love me some teen melodrama, it's nice to see a show that presents the collegiate experience the way I remember it. And since I went to a very preppy Southern school, yes, many of my peers were that attractive and stylish.

The recent storyline about Ashleigh and Casey's faltering friendship really took me back. There were times in college when I found myself wanting to shepherd a friend away from a less-than-worthy suitor. And like Casey, I learned that imposing ones idea of perfection on ones friends rarely leads to a “Thanks You,” but more often to a forced look at ones own screwed up love life. What Case hasn't learned yet is that obnoxious college boyfriends often turn into husbands and people are more likely to side with a spouse than a bossy friend. Also, if you've protested too much, you end up seeming like a total cooze at the wedding.

Disclaimer: Mac did not marry a Travis. She married a Rusty in Evan's clothing. I think that comparison just got weird. I apologize.

Don't You (Forget About Me)

One of my favorite types of TV episodes (coming in just after wacky Halloween specials) is the homage. They can be as blatant as Felicity’s Twilight Zone ep or as subtle as Battlestar’s nod to The Hunt for Red October. My personal favorite is also one of the most obvious: The Breakfast Club. Below are three translations of John Hughes’ classic tale of bonding during Saturday School.

Degrassi: The Next Generation “Take On Me” (2004): This is the most literal of the homages. Ellie is the Basketcase, Hazel is the Princess, Jimmy is the Jock, Sean is the Criminal and Toby is the Brain. Radditch dresses like Principal Vernon and works out quite disturbingly on a Swedish exercise ball while the kids take over the school. Rather than bridging cliques, Jimmy and Hazel hook up while Ellie and Sean bond over mutually freaking other people out, cementing their differences as couples. And all Toby gets is a pity kiss on a dare from Hazel. But that’s more than he usually gets. Especially since it's the episode directly following Manny and the Abortion (AKA "Accidents Will Happen"), this is not at the top of Degrassi's "go there" game.

Dawson’s Creek “Detention” (1998): The gang all get detention (for reasons ranging from assault to masturbation on school grounds) along with bad grrrl Abby (who claims to have participated in a gangbang prior to landing in Saturday School). Abby takes on the Judd Nelson role, instigating a game of Truth or Dare and happily prodding the tender participants of the Jen/Dawson/Joey triangle as she forces Dawson and Joey to share their first kiss under the guise of a dare.

Written by the wonderful Mike White, my favorite moment of this episode is when they chattily discuss TBC (as those Creekers were wont to do) and get to the “But where are the actors now?” topic. Pacey chimes in that Emilio Estevez “made those Duck movies. Those were classic!” Totally.

ER “Secrets and Lies” (2002): Not the first series one would think of when paying homage to TBC, this one is actually my favorite. After a dominatrix brings a client into the ER, Abby, Carter, Luka, Susan and Gallant get busted by Weaver for checking out the contents of her bag. When Weaver finds a dildo in her locker, the gang gets sentenced to a sexual harassment sensitivity seminar.

The instructor for the seminar runs several hours late and as a result, the characters get to know one another better. Abby and Susan bond, straight-laced Gallant reveals himself to be from an almost entirely military family and we learn that while Carter was deflowered by the help at an early age, Luka waited until his wedding night with his late wife. Instead of romantic relationships being built, we see them crumbling. Carter, taking on the antagonistic Judd Nelson role, goads Luke into a “friendly” duel and eventually reveals that he once had Weaver’s locker. By the end of the episode, Susan breaks it off with Carter and tells him that he should tell Abby he’s madly in love with her.

And now I leave you with the trailer for the original. Man, Saturday School was never this lifechanging at my school.

Viva Las Boring

On paper this was a fantastic idea: get the Real World cast that brought reality TV skankdom to new and frightening heights during their tenure on MTV. Toss their horny asses back into that swank pad at the Palms. Add copious amounts of booze. Sit back and wait for the inevitable three-way in the hot tub.

In reality, forcing people back into the position they were in five years ago is not an easy feat. Alton and Irulan aren't a couple of flirty strangers meeting for the first time; they're a former couple whose three year romance is over. Arissa is estranged from her former roommates and has a huge chip on her shoulder. Former wild child Brynn is now a mom of two. Trishelle has blonde hair. Yawn. Only Frank and Steven seem the same, which is a shame since they seem forgettable and functionally retarded, respectively.

If the first episode is any indicator, the drama of strangers getting wildly drunk and making asses of themselves is a lot more fun that that of old friends getting drunk and screaming about the past, which is actually just kind of sad.

Goodbye, Veronica

I don't need to tell you about the finale. You watched it; you know it was a fabulous, heartbreaking throwback to the first season, a sad reminder of things not to come. I especially enjoyed the subtle allusions to the pilot like Wallace's remote control plane and an asshole being beaten to a pulp in order to illicit an apology Veronica doesn't actually want. It's such perfect poetry that Logan was the asshole in the pilot and the strong arm of violent justice in the finale. And it appears that after using his fists and homicidal temper to ruin his relationship with Veronica, our schmoopy little orphan used them to open the door of possible reconciliation. Perfect. For everyone but Piz and Parker.

As Veronica walks off into the overcast horizon of her SoCal noir world, I'm reminded of what the series marks for me. Veronica Mars began airing just after I moved to Los Angeles. It instantly became appointment viewing and the topic of watercooler discussions at my new office. Impromptu viewing parties turned acquaintances into friends as we debated who killed Lilly Kane over bottles of wine and bruschetta. The show was something I shared with friends from college and back home, urging people to give it a shot and taping episodes to catch my family up over long holidays. I love TV and smart, sassy, strong Veronica Mars is a perfect example of why. She'll be sorely missed, but I can't wait to see what the people involved in her creation come up with next.

School's Out and life sucks

This weekend I had the opportunity to watch a VHS copy of School's Out, the TV movie that concluded the original Degrassi High series. In stark contrast to shows like The OC and Dawson's Creek, which both went out on impossibly happily ever after notes ("Summer and Seth got married!" "Jen's dead!"), School's Out really stayed true to its roots and went out on a huge downer.

Are you a fan of The Next Generation's Manny/Craig/Ashley storyline? Relive it with Tessa/Joey/Caitlin. Betrayal! Abortion! Joey's bare ass! I, for one, no longer care that Caitlin cheated on Joey with Kevin Smith and dumped his bald ass. His high school self owes her a huge karmic debt and that turn events doesn't even begin to cover it.

And only Degrassi would take their blue collar bad boy and in the finale, put him at fault in a case of vehicular manslaughter. The OC ended with Ryan as a benevolent architect. Degrassi ended with Wheels behind bars after driving drunk and killing a toddler. Not even The Next Generation had the stones to kill the dude Sean hit while completely sober.

I bow to the original Degrassi. I'm not worthy of your go-thereness.

M-O-O-N, that spells an afternoon well-spent

When I was in junior high, someone was genius enough to turn Stephen King's The Stand into an epic six-hour mini-series. This weekend, Sci-Fi was genius enough to air it in its entirety. Luckily I didn't know this 'til AFTER I gotten several errands out of the way. Otherwise I'd have spent all of my Sunday on the couch, ignoring the laundry and soaking in the goodness that is The Stand.

Released during the heyday of the mini-series (other choice examples from the era include Queen and Oklahoma Passage), this one was particularly influential. First, it inspired me to read King's 1100+ page book. Second, it convinced me to get an ill-advised bob like Molly Ringwald's. Third, it caused me to daydream constantly about Gary Sinise. In defense of my 12 year-old self, this was pre-Lt. Dan and he's both talented and smokin' hot.

Watching this mini-series, I started to miss the genre. It's bad enough that I can only get my woman-in-peril TV movie fix on Lifetime, but the mini-series is practically MIA these days. That's why I'm looking forward to The Starter Wife. I haven't read the book and towards the end of Will & Grace, I found Debra Messing about as appealing as a rabid howler monkey, but I'm excited about an adaptation that will stretch more than 90 minutes, but less than 22 hours. Not too hot, not too cold, just right.