A hooker would be one thing, but Madison?

Oh Logan. Now you’ve made Veronica two degrees sexually of Lamb and Dick. She’ll never forgive you, or so the evil bastards at the CW’s promo department would have us believe.

This week’s mystery involved Max, the dude who sold Wallace (remember him?) the answers to that engineering test. Seems he met the love of his life at Comicon, and now she’s getting married and he has no way of getting in touch with her, so he hires Veronica. And judging from the way our teen sleuth in throwing around Battlestar references, I think someone borrowed Mo’s box sets before he tried to murder her.

It turns out that the chick from Comicon was actually a hooker that Max’s friends (one of whom looks distractingly like Piz) hired to help him lose his virginity. When he kept moping about her, they made up the wedding story to help him get over her. I tell ya, these guys with their “helping.” Anyway Max still wants to find her, Veronica does and it appears she’s totally into him and against all odds, he was right about their connection. But then her friend shows up all beaten to hell by their pimp and drags Wendy back into the sordid life she was leaving behind for Max. When she leaves (with $1000 from Max to pay the piper…er pimp) Veronica realizes that Beat-Up Ho was wearing make-up bruises. Dun dun dun!

Then V gets the genius (and by “genius” I mean, “Holy crap, that’s stupid!”) idea to bribe a judge, who is one of Wendy’s kinkier clients, in order to get back at her and recoup some of Max’s expenses. This leads them to the real pimp, a smooth talkin’ lady with huge goons, who lets Max buy Wendy out of the biz for a cool $10K. Apparently selling term papers is hella lucrative. But all is not well for the happy couple. Everywhere they go, they’re reminded of her past life. They break up and she goes back to stripping, which is better than sex for money, at least.

In “The A story was a metaphor for our relationship” land, Veronica wants to know Logan “warts and all” so they can achieve true intimacy. BS: Veronica’s pathologically nosy. So when Logan finally submits to questioning, we find that he’s never been with a hooker, but that he hooked up with an “awful” girl while they were apart. V takes this in good stride until she finds out that the girl in question was Bizarro Max, that’s right: Madison Freaking Sinclair.

Regarding the dean’s murder, we learned:
1. Lamb’s still an idiot.
2. The Lillith girls egged O’Dell’s office and Nish got his Volvo. Only problem is, Cyrus was driving the mini-van so Mindy had the Volvo. That means that she, or someone driving her car, was at the office around the time he received the mysterious visitor. My totally random guess: his bitter older son.

In hmm… news: Veronica asked Logan how Mercer was able to leave TJ to commit a rape and get back without Logan knowing he was gone. Excellent question. He says he was out for what he thought was minutes, but may have been hours. So maybe Mercer drugged him, but why wouldn’t he just rape someone in TJ? Either this is a sloppy continuity point or Logan lied for Mercer when Veronica insisted on knowing the alibi. Hooking up with Madison is atrocious, but lying for Mercer? That’s something even I couldn’t forgive.

Moments in TV Awesome: Freaks and Geeks

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Why I Love Higher Ground...

My college dorm didn't pick up Fox Family Channel (RIP), so YouTube is allowing me to watch ALL 22 episodes in order for the very first time. And it’s as awesome as I remember.

10. It’s about a boarding school for troubled teens in the Pacific Northwest. What’s not to love about that premise?

9. Pre-Star Wars Hayden Christensen as a moody jock, Pre-Firefly (but Post-Flash Forward) Jewel Staite as a moody goth chick, Pre-Criminal Minds AJ Cook as a moody abuse victim, Pre-Battlestar Galactica Kandyse McClure as a moody token black chick.

8. An episode that features Adam Beach as an intuitive Native American tracker, AND an Indian Spirit that speaks telepathically to bulimic/cutter Juliet while she's trapped in an underground cave. Seriously!

7. One word: Angst

6. Two words: Joe Lando

5. Three words: Canadian Teen Melodrama

4. Sheryl Crowe's "I Shall Believe," playing over the last scene of the series. Scott might be ruining his future to return to Shelby, but I’m too caught up in the moment to care.

3. It doesn't shy away from issues: parental and sexual abuse, alcoholism, suicide, teen prostitution, interracial adoption, cutting, huffing...

2. Even though the show aired in 2000, Hayden Christensen frequently rocks the turtle neck/button up combo.

1. Jules seems like she means it more than Ellie did when she cuts.

Best Freeze Frame Ever

Usually Degrassi's ending freeze frame falls short of evoking whatever emotion it's going for. This week I was crying, so good job, Degrassi.

Seriously, JT died and it actually made me sad. In what was perhaps the best JT/Liberty episode of all time, I felt myself starting to root for the pair. And that's when I knew he was toast. Here's how it went:

Manny, upset about her break-up with Craig, begs Emma to have a party while Spike and Snake are out of town. After JT reminds the girls that it's Liberty's birthday, Emma agrees to a small celebration. Warning Sign #1: JT's being thoughtful and his shirt's not unbuttoned to his waist.

Meanwhile Liberty's hard at work on an Increase the Peace summit with Lake Hearst to figure out how to stop the violence between their schools. Manny tries to set her up with the rival school's Stu-Co Prez, but he's got eyes for someone else (hint: her boobs are on the internet). She invites him to the party and after the AfroTwins catch wind of it, everyone in the Greater Toronto area knows that Casa Emma Manny is the place to be.

Party time. Liberty's as hotted up as she's ever gonna get, Emma's nervous about the fact that she and Sean are scheduled to do it (so she's slamming tequila) and some Lake Heart toughs have shown up at the soiree (along with assorted Degrassi grads, drop-outs and fifth year seniors). Warning Sign #2: Manny becomes the voice of reason, never a good thing. She handles the LH sitch by suggesting that happy rivals inside are better than angry rivals outside (foreshadowing!). She also hides breakables and takes the booze away from the recovering anorexic.

Manny's good deeds are rewarded with a smooch from RivalPrez, which brings up unfinished feelings about Craig. Liberty finds JT in the backyard and tells him that she still loves him. They have an argument about the fact that he has a girlfriend who he "really, really...likes" (and who's out of town, which I forgot to mention). Lib tells him he's a coward for being unable to admit his feelings and storms out of her own party.

JT has a metaphor packed convo with "Tobes," who was inexplicably totally getting action from RivalVeep, and after coming to the realization that he still loves his baby's mama, JT goes out to find her.

Meanwhile in the land of "This is the best they could do?" the Toughs, who don't include TeenMom's ex at the moment, play a dumb prank on one of the AfroTwins. Jay gets sprayed with beer and he and Spin kick the jackasses out of the party... Where JT runs into them pissing on his car. He brushes off their insults, "Ha ha, you guys slay me," and one of them runs at him—with absolutely NO provocation—and STABS HIM IN THE BACK! Psycho's friend is horrified and they both run off. JT slides down his urine-drenched car door, unable to so anything, but look shocked. Liberty finds him and then screams for help as she cradles him in her arms.

And that's when I start feeling HORRIBLE for wishing these two any ill. Touché, Degrassi. At the hospital Manny paces around, blaming herself since the party was her idea, Sean assures her that it's not her fault, Liberty and RivalPrez talk to the police and Emma tearfully talks to her mom on the phone. A doctor comes out and asks for a family member. Emma says that JT's grandma can't get there for a couple of hours (that's when I remember that JT's only got a grandma, which makes the crying worse). Toby says that he's his brother and she can tell him. Aw, man.

The doctor explains that a major artery was hit and they were unable to repair the damage. From down the hall, Liberty hears the girls cry out. Sean clenches his jaw and vows to kill Psycho. Liberty comes running and asks hopefully if JT’s going to be okay. Unable to tell her that the guy she love is dead, Toby just hugs her and the rest of the Class of '07 (at least the ones we care about) follow suit. Freeze frame and somebody get me a damn tissue.

Friday Night Lights: Little Girl I Wanna Marry You

Um, y’all? Can we talk about how I cannot wait for Buddy Garrity to find out that the Lady Mayor is also a lover of ladies? And even more scandalous, her partner is an old school democrat? It’s like she’s with Anne Richards if Anne Richards was 1) still alive and 2) totally into chicks.

In the land of Parenting Skills, we saw the good, the bad, and the well-intentioned:

Good: MamaSmash finds out her baby’s been doping and flips the hell out. She goes straight to the coach to accuse him and upon learning that Brian got his own juice, refocuses her wrath.

Bad: Tyra’s mom is still whining about the dude over whom she chose her daughter. Apparently being abusive was something she’d be willing to overlook if he was around to pay bills. Poor Tyra. That woman’s a wreck and it’s only a matter of time before that job at Garrity Motors turns into a slimy affair with Buddy.

Well-intentioned: Speaking of Buddy, he admitted to a very direct Jason that he would rather his daughter wasn’t a caregiver her entire life. Jason’s future is anything but certain and Buddy doesn't want that for Lyla. Y'all? I'm starting to kind of love Buddy. I don't agree with him, but I always see where he's coming from and it's usually not a bad place.

In other news, Jason thought about Buddy's concern and decided that by striving to be even better than he was before the accident, he will deserve Lyla. Then he popped the question and she accepted enthusiastically. Matt's dad went back to Iraq and his Grandma's still senile enough to think he can watch high school football from the base in the desert. Tami’s agreed to work for Lady Mayor on her upcoming campaign, despite Coach's worries that the whole "lesbian thing" is gonna come out and cause a stink. And Coach has decided to keep quiet and let Smash remain on the team. Something tells me it’s that last bit that’s going to get really ugly.

So that's what a broken-hearted Piz looks like

Oh, Piz. The first rule of surviving to a second season is not to get between Logan and Veronica. Others have tried and you know where they ended up? On the run from Johnny Law in Australia, back East at boarding school and dead in a rundown motel, that’s where they ended up. I like you kid, so you might want to find a nice girl who’s not already so entwined with a hot bad boy that you’ll never be able to pry her free. Just a friendly suggestion.

So VM’s back and still awesome. The episodic mystery (stolen monkey from on-campus lab) was pretty obvious, but it was fun to see Veronica and Mac infiltrate an animal rights group. Most fun was PHAT’s leader, Bronson, is totally smitten with Mac and he doesn’t seem even remotely homicidal. Yay! Also, we learned in the switched at birth episode in Season 1 that Mac is a “freakball vegan” so they probably have that in common.

I fell even further in love with both Dick (for Polaroiding his genitals and dropping the pics on unsuspecting passersby) and Parker (for wryly pointing out that of the single gals, the most ready to mingle was also “the most recent victim of sexual assault.”) Parker’s exactly what mopey Mac and snarky Veronica need. She’s fun and flirty and totally has your back if some crazy dudes are trying to roofie you to death.

Here’s what we know so far in the case of the Dead Dean:
1. Lamb ruled O’Dell’s death a suicide. Just like that pesky bus driver in Season 2. Whadya wanna bet he’s right this time?
2. Mindy claims she was with Horny Hank Landry all night, but she didn’t tell Keith about Cyrus showing up to confront them at the Neptune Grand.
3. O’Dell didn’t drink any of his prized scotch before allegedly offing himself, so Keith thinks foul play may be involved. Duh.
4. Landry read Keith’s book. That means he probably knew who Veronica was before he took her on as his prized student. I’m just saying…
5. The Dean’s typed suicide note “Goodbye, cruel world,” was cribbed from Veronica’s A-earning perfect murder paper for Landry’s class.

Dun dun dun!

PS. How cute was Ricky from Not Another Teen Movie with Oscar the monkey? Answer: very cute.

Step away from the Spinner

I'm serious, bitch. He doesn't want any part of whatever unholy alliance you're offering. Gavin's way too classy to be taken in my some faux-innocent harpy with bad extensions and poor impulse control. Wait. Nevermind. You're actually kind of his type.

McChokey might get the McBoot-y

According to eonline's TV gossip guru Kristin Veitch, Isaiah Washington may be without a job quite soon. Apparently continually using homophobic slurs about a beloved co-star has consequences. I know. Weird, right?



Here's the full article:
http://www.eonline.com/gossip/kristin/blog/index.jsp?uuid=f3edf41a-fc12-41a2-8bd6-2c4c6d6cfd14

Is Anne Heche gonna have to choke a bitch?

I would like to recommend to you a fabulous Lifetime Movie called Gracie’s Choice. Kristen Bell (Miss Veronica Mars, herself) plays Gracie, a high school student whose mother is a horrible drug addicted bitch played by an on-edge Anne Heche.

After Anne gets sent to jail and religious zealot Grandma (Diane Ladd) proves to be an unfit guardian, Gracie petitions the court for custody of her three half brothers. What raises this film above the standard Lifetime fare is the quality of the acting, which is nothing short of fierce. Take, for example, the pictured scene in which Anne finds out Gracie’s intentions and nearly strangles her.

Breaking News: American Idol is mean!

I hope you're sitting down, 'cause it turns out that American Idol (that show you've been hearing so much about, but probably never got around to watching) shows footage of bad singers and the judges actually make fun of them. I know! This must have just started because I don't ever remember seeing any obviously mentally challenged or socially retarded dreamers getting crushed under Simon's boot before this very season.

American Idol is a cultural phenomenon. Mixed in with getting to see Kelly, Fantasia, Carrie (and those much less interesting guys) realize their wildest dreams, is the sick pleasure of watching others fall. It sucks that people are mocked on national TV and that we, the public, tune in like Pavlov's dogs, hoping to see something as hilarious as an autistic kid getting called fat or a Special Olympian being told he's a talentless bush baby. It's entertainment fashioned out of shattered dreams.

So go ahead, America, pretend you’re upset that Simon crossed some unseen line or that you didn’t howl with vicious laughter at any of those achingly pathetic contestants (counting your lucky stars that at least you aren’t them). But don’t pretend that the show is now anything other than what it’s always been or that you tuned in because you just love the music.

Online Viewing Update

The CW's offering episodes of many of their shows, including Supernatural (featuring these hunky and Blue Steel-channeling boys) on their website, cwtv.com.

If you love Canadian teen melodrama...

...and you know I do, then you have got to watch Instant Star on The N. Leading up to the Season 3 premiere on Friday, February 16, the-n.com is adding a few earlier episodes each week to their online player The Click.

The show's genius premise is that Jude Harrison is the winner of an American Idol-style competition and is thrust into the spotlight at 15. She's got a jealous older sister, a best friend who wants to be her boyfriend and an ex-boyband member producer with whom she shares a forbidden attraction. Plus (as if you need one), each episode features a totally catchy song and at the end of the season, they release an album.

I didn't get into the show until the second season, so I'm getting to enjoy all the plots that launched the drama I've already seen. In the episode Won't Get Fooled Again, Jude sings a raw ballad about her heart being broken. The song’s not about the producer who spurned her after a hot kiss on her birthday or her cheating rapper ex-boyfriend. It's about the fresh discovery that her beloved dad's cheating on her mom. And suddenly the show's not just about fun songs and escapist fantasies, but a hurt little girl with a whole lotta angst.

Veronica will return on Tuesday

Get ready for SIX new, uninterrupted weeks of VM, starting Tuesday, January 23. The only thing it's on against is the president's address.

Oh, and don't judge Kristen Bell just because they made her wear formal shorts in the promos, it's not her fault.

Squirming and Sighing

As Captain Calamity has pointed out, The Office's unique mix of comedy and pathos is what makes it so compulsively watchable. It's a really tough thing to pull off (see Scrubs for a more hit and miss version of the technique) and last night it was perfect.

Andy's a douche. You know it, I know it, deep down maybe even Andy knows it. That kind of brazenly sycophantic social awkwardness doesn't happen overnight, it has to be the result of a lot of terrible years of...something . But every time I'd start to feel too sorry for him (rejected by Michael, obviously hurt by Jim and Pam's prank), he would do something so disastrously funny that I couldn't help but laugh.

And I loved that Jim and Pam were reunited by the common annoyance of Andy, but every time we glimpsed Karen's troubled eyes, watching her boyfriend pal around his former unrequited love, my heart dropped. And that, my friends, is the mark of great storytelling.

Kick Ass Casting News

The cast of NBC's remake of The IT Crowd has been announced. Joe McHale (the wonderful host of E!'s The Soup) will play Roy, Jessica St. Clair ( who I've never heard of) will play Jen, and (drum roll, please) Richard Ayoade will reprise his role from the British version and play Moss.

Okay, so if you haven't watched The IT Crowd, then you probably don't understand why this is so awesome. Below is a clip of Ayoade as Moss on a video dating site.

Now do you get the excitement? Go to google video or youtube and illegally watch the six excellent episodes of the UK series. You can thank me later.

When Casting is Not Enough

Last night’s Law and Order: SVU was weak. Normally that would be disappointing, but the fact that it was packed with high profile guest stars makes it somewhat baffling. Kal Penn and Adam Beach may not be household names, but they’re certainly well-known. Beach has recently earned great reviews for his performance in Flags of Our Fathers and Penn is the likeable star of Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle and Van Wilder 2. So why did last night suck?

1. Casting Penn as the fame seeking serial rapist was a mistake. Sure, he wasn't shown in the previews, but the minute you see him standing behind the suspect, you think "Hey! It's Kal Penn!" The role was fairly thankless, so why not just give it to a lesser-known actor the role, who wouldn't be a dead give away? It's not like Penn brough anything to the table beyond a thoroughly inscrutable performance. Was he retarded? Was he just weird? Did this episode even have a director?

2. Manufactured tension between Beach's Brooklyn cop and Ice-T. I still have no idea what their beef was with one another. But because of it, we were subjected to Beach's speech about how he belongs in the city as much as Ice-T because his father was a steel worker. What? Were we supposed to think that T cared about the fact that Beach was Native American or that he was from Brooklyn? I still have no idea and none of this was helped by Beach's stiff channeling of Brando.

3. The story was paper thin and poorly executed. They knew where to find Penn because Beach walks the streets at night and knows all the sounds, including that of a specific recycling plant? Are you kidding?

It's like Chris Meloni had the week off so the writers decided to follow suit. Rather than find a compelling way to work two gifted (though after this and his turn as a Teen Terrorist on 24, I'm beginning to wonder about Penn) actors into what's normally an outstanding show.

Moments in TV Awesome: Veronica Mars

New episodes Tuesday, January 23. Get pumped, people!

Poor Ellie

No matter what an ass she was last week, I can't kick her when she's down. Turns out Manny was less than impressed with her first cocaine experience and when Craig wants to stay in and do rails, rather than leave the hovel he's made out of Ellie and Marco's spare room, she dumps him. On her way out, she informs Ellie that Craig's an addict and a liar. In a device cribbed from One Tree Hill, the plot moves by at break neck speed. Before you can blink, Ellie's gotten Craig to admit his problem and agree to go with her to group (remember when he was just a simple bipolar and she was an angsty cutter?). Despite the fact that he's started looking like Jason Patric in Rush, guest stars Taking Back Sunday invite Craigers to play during the show that Ellie's covering for her university paper.

Ellie puts Craig ahead of her journalism assignment and her relationship with Jesse. He repays her by not showing to group and breaking her heart before his show. She goes to confront him about his problem and threatens to tell his stepdad Joey about everything. If there's one thing Craig's always been good at, it's knowing how to manipulate girls. He kisses Ellie and then tells her that he loves her. Her joy quickly turns to pain as he murmurs that she won't make him quit if she loves him. Ass. Having irreparably damaged his closest friendship, Craig goes onstage to play his crappy drowning allegory song and bleed from the face. He looks horrified by the nosebleed and if this is supposed to be rock bottom, I suggest the writers rent Requiem for a Dream.

We next see Craig at the airport. Only instead of going back to Vancouver, he's headed to Joey's and then rehab. Ellie gives him his ticket and he guesses that she's there to make sure he gets on the plane. She says no, she's leaving; Mr. Simpson will make sure he gets on the plane. Craig tries to tell her that he's sorry and that he really does have feelings for her, but it's too late. Ellie's tough facade has melted into tears (nice work by Stacey Farber and Jake Epstein, by the way) and she tells him that he needs help. He tries to weasel a promise that after rehab, they have a shot, but she simply tells him goodbye and walks off with what's left of her dignity.

At this point I'm going to confess my deepest, darkest secret: I like fanvids. What's a fanvid? I'm glad you asked. It's the awesome combination of television clips, basic editing software, and obsessive fans. The following was made by an actual Degrassi-obsessed teenager (Twyst on YouTube). Enjoy.


In other Degrassi news, those Lake Hearst toughs who called TeenMom a whore are back to declare war on JT and the Afro Twins. One of the kids has the same soccer mom haircut as JT and is unsurprisingly TeenMom's ex. Toby gets caught in the melee and ends up with a neck brace. It's pretty lame. The most awesome thing is that Jimmy and Spinner try to tell the Degrassi nerds about the cyclical nature of violence (and they should know since their bullying led to a school shooting and now Jimmy's in a WHEELCHAIR, in case anyone forgot). Next week Emma and Manny are going to throw a party and someone's getting stabbed by one of the Lake Hearst douches. Since Toby’s already been injured, I’m guessing it won’t be him. Fingers crossed for JT or Peter.

Damn you, Grey's Anatomy!

The one thing that could make me interested in the overwrought drama at Seattle Grace: Addison and Karev making out. I don't know why. Originally I hated both of them, but they slowly wore away at me and I was won over by these wonderfully flawed (and abnormally attractive) doctors. And now I give a crap about this show again, which is kind of annoying.

Sure, I still couldn't care less about Burke and his shaky hand (after operating on people with a tremor, he doesn't deserve to practice again) and Meredith and Derek kind of put me to sleep, but in addition to near mugging down between my favorite icy OB and her smoldering intern, I found myself kind of liking Callie. When she was first introduced, I was disappointed that this gorgeous and normal sized woman seemed to be CRAZY and have really inappropriate hospital hair. But last night she was goofy, charming and had hair that actually moved.

I Love New York's Mom

VH1 is stretching the definition of CelebReality with The Bachelorette to Flavor of Love's The Bachelor. After being TWICE burned by Flavor Flav, Tiffany AKA New York is back on TV, looking for her prince charming. And the folks at VH1 have rounded up quite a group for her to choose from.

It's a mixed bag of TV-hungry weirdos, marginally employed "musicians," probable gays and maybe (just maybe) one dude with higher than a fourth grade education who watched Flavor of Love and said, "You know what? She's a crazy bitch, but I want her to be MY crazy bitch."

One of the gentlemen even greets our girl with a "You’re putting the hurt on my penis." Another declares that she's so hot, the sight of her almost gives him "wood." Classy. Luckily New York's tough as nails and possibly insane mother (who showed up on Flavor of Love long enough to proclaim that Flav was a loser) is around to put the suitors through her finely tuned BS detector. My favorite moments included her asking various men if they were gay and/or had ever had a sexual experience with a man. Some of them were totally lying when they said no.

Alternative Viewing Update

Men in Trees in now available online at abc.com! So far it's just the pilot and the last episodes, but with shows like What About Brian? offering the full season, let's hope they'll add more soon. As the owner of a persnickety tivo, I've made it my business to know the following:


The-N.com offers new episodes of Degrassi and Instant Star.

NBC.com shows select series. Ratings challenged Friday Night Lights is available, but The Office is not.

CBS.com uses InnerTube to show comedies like How I Met Your Mother and The Class. The player doesn't work on my mac, but seems to be compatible with PCs.

ABC.com offers Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, Knights of Prosperity and several other shows.

YouTube and Google Video are hit and miss when looking for entire episodes, but using them I watched the full first season of The IT Crowd and the series finale of Everwood (what? I had to make sure they'd get a happy ending).

This isn't Studio 60, so why am I writing about Krazy Khristians?

For the last few weeks, I’ve been bothered by Christopher Kelly’s Texas Monthly review of Friday Night Lights. In it, he contends that the show is critically overrated, specifically by East and West Coasters who watch without upsetting their preconceived notions about the Lone Star State. As a Texas transplant to California and someone who grew up in a small town in Oklahoma, I dismissed Kelly’s argument as that of a self-hating liberal Texan who doesn’t like the show’s accurate reflection of his football-loving and God-fearing neighbors. And then during last night’s episode, I ate a few of my words.

Don’t get me wrong: I still believe that Friday Night Lights is one of the best shows on television. The set design shows small town life as I remember it rather than as a Pottery Barn commercial, the dialogue is wonderfully layered and realistic and it’s crazy compelling. The Chef, a Texas native, hates it when stupid characters have bad Texas accents. Luckily for Friday Night Lights, even if we’re subjected to Canadian Taylor Kitsch’s hit or miss accent while Riggins inexplicably tries to woo Tyra back, we’re also treated to a lot of intelligent banter by the twangy (but sharp) Taylor clan.

I have a similar pet peeve about religion. Faith does not make a person a zealot, a moron or even a social conservative. In his review, Kelly said the show was mocking in its portrayal of Lyla’s belief in the power of prayer. I disagreed. Perky belief that God would make Street walk again was her coping mechanism. When it faltered, she found another way to cope: Riggins. But last night, even as I laughed at Buddy Garrity’s pompous singing, I felt the immediate sting of his unabashedly stupid prayer. I’m sure people pray for football, but come on, Friday Nights Lights. The scene could have worked in Heathers or Election, but it didn’t fit on an earnest show that generally respects the people it portrays.

What I'm Watching: Battlestar Galactica on DVD

Battlestar consistently appears on Top 10 TV lists. I don’t love sci-fi, but I do love good TV and if I learned anything from Firefly, it's that I can get over the whole space thing. I also learned that Nathan Fillion is super pretty, but that's neither here nor there (honestly, it's everywhere).

So I borrowed the miniseries and first season DVDs from a friend and so far I'm pretty hooked. Also, you know who I totally want to get together? Apollo and Madam Prez. Am I the only one? I'm trying to avoid reading anything about the show on the internet since while just looking for this picture, I accidentally came across three fairly significant spoilers. Damn my curiosity.

Here's where I am so far: Starbuck kinda bugs me, I have a big fat crush on Chief Petty Officer Galen Tyrol and I'm very intrigued by the cylons (even if Number Six has crappy taste in men).

Preparing for the return of VM...

Veronica Mars returns Tuesday, January 23 with a brand new mystery. I'm excited, but it has occurred to me, maybe you don't watch Veronica Mars. It was on UPN so you assumed it sucked and by the time you'd heard it was magic, you were like "Well I'm so confused with this whole Lilly Kane thing and Veronica's drunk mom and is her dad really her dad? Wasn't there something about a rape or a school bus?" Yes, there was.

It's intimidating to jump into an already an established cult hit (side note: I'm doing just that with Battlestar Galactica right now. See. I can RELATE). So here's the good news: You've got a little under two weeks to get caught up on the goings on in Neptune, CA. You can Netflix (or purchase—used on Amazon is a nice option) the first two seasons and follow that up with Season 3 thus far on iTunes. Warning, this option is time-consuming and if you're not planning on tivo-ing the first few episodes of the new arc, you might not be giving yourself enough time to bask in the awesome of VM (or work and maintain your interpersonal relationships, whatev).

Then there's the option of just watching the third season on iTunes. You gotta do what you gotta do and if that means you miss out on seeing Logan and Veronica become "LoVe," then that's okay. The writers did a lovely job of setting up this season so that you don't have to know the ins and outs of the previous two years in order to really enjoy the show. And if you have any questions about the show, do not hesitate to send me a message. I have fully illustrated worksheets to help you understand even the most murky plot point.

Moments in TV Awesome: The Office UK

When Tim finally got the nerve to tell Dawn how he felt, he took her away from the cameras and into an empty conference room, where he yanked off his mic and spilled his guts. Unable to hear their conversation, we could only watch breathlessly as Dawn absorbed whatever Tim said and hugged him in return. Then they exited and Tim calmly informed us that she said no. It was an exquisitely beautiful sucker punch.

So as not to end on a downer, I present you with another Tim and Dawn Moment in Awesome:

The Christmas Special our last chance to see the should-be couple get it together and make love work. After leaving the party with boorish perma-fiance Lee, Dawn opened her Secret Santa gift and found proof that Tim was the one who got away (more accurately, the one she tossed back in favor of day old cod). Encouraging her "pipe dream" with oil paints and a note telling her to never give up, Tim finally got through to Dawn and she quietly broke down in tears. I might have also...but that's not the point. The peak moment of awesome came when she strode into the party to claim her man and we knew, just a moment before Tim, that his life was about to change forever.

Oh. Snap.

Craig's ba-ack! And he's all hopped up on nose candy. To be fair, he probably needs it to sit through a dinner party with pretentious college freshmen discussing Rousseau and Jung. But more on that in a bit.

In the land of people I hope will soon be killed off, Liberty's sad that JT and TeenMom are all cuddly and happy so she decides to make JT as miserable as she is. It's awesome, no pussy-footing or anything, she just straight up tells the girl that JT knocked her up, sold drugs to get money for her and the baby, and almost killed himself. TeenMom's upset that JT never mentioned any of this (especially the drug stuff, though I'd be more mad about the banging Liberty part of the equation), but JT quickly gets back into her good graces with an idea for a "much needed" daycare facility at Degrassi. When the couple brings it up at student council, President Libery shoots it down and bickering ensues. That's when it got boring and I stopped paying attention.

You know what's not boring? Craig on coke! So he and Manny are all reunited and it feels so good, but he wants to go see Ellie and Marco. He plays everyone (including Spinner and Jimmy, who I'm pretty sure had NO lines this episode) a new song and Ellie really enjoys the allusions to Melville. Shut up, Ellie. Craig says that he wrote it on a ferry to Vancouver Island and claims it's a "long story." Shut up, Craig. Poor Manny just wants to go make out with her hot boyfriend, but he'd rather bask in the attention of his fawning friends.

Later Manny and Craig bond as he helps her run lines for an audition for a Canadian soap that may as well be called Smegrassi. After the audition, Craig brags to his friends about how well Manny did. Ellie makes a smug comment about how Smegrassi is a crappy melodrama. Seriously, Ellie. Don't make me smack you in the mouth. Manny and Craig talk about the high of performing and before long it's time for Craig's acoustic show at the most well-lit club in all of Toronto. Manny goes backstage to wish him well before his set and finds Craig bent over a tiny mirror with a little baggie of white powder and a razor. He gives her his bad boy smile and goes out to play. She looks like she might throw up.

Craig performs. Manny looks sad. Ellie proves how smart she is by asking if that song is why he was "asking about drowning allegories last month." Um, ya'll? When did Ellie become such an asshole? Manny doesn't want to interrupt the mutual fawning society and starts to leave, but Craig stops her to say, 1. He doesn't want her to think he "does that," and 2. He could see her shining eyes through the whole show. So high.

The next day Manny tries to talk to him about it and Craig's all "I thought you were cool with it," "It's no big deal," "I just need a confidence boost." She complains that Ellie makes her feel dumb and he asks her to come to a dinner party at Marco and Ellie's that night. That's where we get to listen to everyone talk about Rousseau and blah blah blah. Craig tries to include his girl, but Ellie makes her feel dumb and Manny brings up Ellie's track record of male rejection. Ellie shoots back with an "At least my boobs aren't on the internet" and Manny storms out.

Manny wants the confidence to talk to Craig's smart friends and asks for a boost. Craig's torn, but ultimately gives in and when we rejoin the dinner party, Craig and Manny are going a mile a minute and Ellie looks constipated. The next morning she runs into a hungover Manny leaving for school and takes Craig a cup of coffee. In his lair of rock clichés she finds a baggie of coke:

Craig: Elle, I don't know how this happened.

Ellie: What happened? What's going on?

Craig: I never thought it would get bad so fast.

Ellie: Craig, are you doing coke?

Craig: Manny is.

St. Clare: Oh. Snap.

"Who did this to you? Where is he?"

You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he handles a woman in tears. And, ladies and gentlemen, Dwight K. Schrute passed the test. In the most perfect scene of last night's Office, he encountered a crying Pam. After his first two instincts -- 1. tracking down the SOB who caused her pain and 2. giving her his jacket (half-way through this gesture he tied it around his own waist), Dwight got it right by handing over a hankie he probably keeps clean for just such scenarios. Patting our sad Pam on the back, he even tried to understand where she was coming from, commenting that she "must be PMSing pretty bad." So awkward and yet so sweet.

Are you kidding me?

I might have let it go, if they’d just never mentioned Darnell’s family again. Who am I kidding? I’d have never let it go, but now My Name is Earl has added fuel to the fire. Yeah, I called it a fire. Stop judging just cause I get hopped up about my programs. Gah.

Anyway, tonight we found out that several years ago Darnell was living with his grandmother. You know, that woman who you are either related to by blood or through adoption? The kind of person with whom you would cut all ties if you are actually in the Witness Protection Program?!

Why must I be so tortured by sloppy, inconsistent plot points?

Landry + Riggs 4Evah

In the plethora of awesome that was presented in last night's episode of Friday Night Lights (Street and Lyla flirting about his imaginary wedding to Clay Aiken, Tami telling Riggs that it's bad for the world for him to grow up stupid, Saracen and Julie as the most awkward and sweet little couple EVER), I have selected the alliance of Landry and Riggs as the most highly supreme of the awesome.

Tami uses her bulldozer charm to make Landry, who's probably just glad she's stopped calling him Lance, tutor Riggs, who has apparently been having girls do his homework since he started Pop Warner. After a few allegations of illiteracy ("Oh my God, are you one of those kids who just fell through the cracks?") a determined Landry begins reading Of Mice and Men to Riggs while the jock goes about his daily life (working out, soulfully gazing off into the horizon, etc.). When Tim heeds his frustrated tutor's advice and draws parallels between his life and the book's subject of friendship and loss, he earns a B- all on his own.

Then he shows up at the woefully unattended Crucifictorius concert (yeah, that would be Landry's Christian metal band) and they have a totally cute buddy bonding moment. Which is good since Matt's busy having a completely deserved breakdown at his girlfriend's parents' house. Poor guy.

If you haven't checked out nbc.com to see deleted scenes from various episodes, you should. One from last night's episode is Riggs making Landry a sandwich and giving him shit about groupies. I hope it goes without saying that it's awesome.

http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/outtakes/index.shtml

Bad News, Remaining OC Fan

It would appear that The OC will say goodbye at the end of February. There's still a modicum of hope that the CW, the fledgling network that recently gave a pilot order to Josh Schwartz's Gossip Girls (based on a popular series of YA novels), will welcome The OC when Fox officially lowers the ax. Shows have jumped networks after being dumped before (The Jeff Foxworthy Show, Roswell, Grounded For Life) but will it really be the same?

TV is a collaborative art (yeah, I called it art, what of it?) but shows tend to fare better with their creator around (Buffy comes to mind). JJ Abrams once said that there were times during the days when Alias blew super hard (he didn't phrase it that way, but whatev) when he would turn on the show and not know what the hell was going on. Not a good sign.

The OC began it's slow spiral of suckdom when Schwartz became busy with other projects. And in addition to Gossip Girls (which Little Lady pointed out sounds just like the Kaitlin spin-off that was rumored during The OC's better days), Schwartz got a pilot order from NBC for Chuck, an original dramedy that I've heard described as Seth Cohen does Alias. So maybe it's time to move on. Saying good bye is painful, but close your eyes and think about how good it will feel to say hello to a show that hasn't already been sullied by Marissa Cooper.

Dear Matt Saracen's Dad,

You’re an asshole. That is all.

-SC

PS. You should try to be more like Coach. Assface.

Everwood Season One

The great thing about TV on DVD is instant gratification. Episode after episode is right at your fingertips. Want to know what happens next? Done. Can’t get enough of the characters? Great, you’ve got 20 odd episodes to burn.

The bad thing is that it's easier to spot flaws in the storytelling when you’re racing through the episodes. Spaced out over weeks it's a little easier to forgive errors in timeline and jumps in character motivation.

That said, the first season of Everwood is beautiful, flaws and all. Almost every episode had me on the verge of tears at least once. What’s not to cry about? It’s about a brilliant brain surgeon who, after being widowed, moves his precocious daughter Delia and angry son Ephram to a small town to start over. Once there, Ephram falls for Amy, a girl with a boyfriend who is in a coma. Colin’s journey from comatose to sensitive amnesiac to unpredictable jock is heartbreaking, especially if you already know the next chapter of his story.

Reading over the last paragraph, I realize that it sounds like Everwood is a melodramatic soap opera. It’s not. It’s funny and moving and filled with vibrant characters. Aside from a few missteps (Colin’s magically appearing/disappearing sister, “Everwood Confidential,” etc.) it’s compulsively watchable. If Season 2 were available on DVD, I’d be watching it right now. Or as soon as Friday Night Lights is over.

Great. Now I need to take a shower.

Ever wanted to see a hooker bang Rick Fox in the ass with a strap on? Yeah, me neither. And yet I was curious about Courteney Cox’s new series Dirt, and that was part of the price of admission.

Maybe it’s because this weekend I caught Scream on TV for the first time in ages, but I was really excited about Cox returning to TV as an ice cold bitch. Unfortunately the series was murky and muddled. The stuff with the schizophrenic paparazzo seemed like it was from an entirely different show and there were just as many confusing jumps in character as there were simulated sex scenes, which is to say: a lot.

At first I thought “actor’s actor” Holt was stoned all the time, but by the end I decided that he was probably just not very good. I wish they’d cast Callum Blue. I take that back, I’d like Callum to be doing more worthwhile things with his time. Like vacuuming.

Here are my questions:

1. When did Lucy decide that her one night stand (a douche who reads Proust at movie premieres—that whole sequence killed a piece of my soul) was not just using her? Was it after she tasered him? Was it off screen? Do I even care?
2. Did Holt crash the car on purpose? Cause it kind of looked like he did.
3. Why was Lucy crying when the cat died? Did she feel bad about the cat? Or the people whose lives she ruined? I don’t buy either explanation.
4. Was that really David Fincher? Shouldn’t he be doing something a tad more productive?
5. Why, Courteney, why?

Moments in TV Awesome: Degrassi the Next Generation

This weekend, The N aired a Degrassi marathon in honor of the show's return on Friday (looks like Craigers is coming back off his rockstar road with a bit of a coke habit!). I caught bits and pieces of various completely awesome episodes and among them was this stellar moment:


Marco's college boy beau Dylan has just told him that he wants to have an open relationship (after Marco walked in on him and one of many "interesting" new friends) and Marco has tried to go along with it by attending a college kegger and flirting with other boys. But unable to go through with a random hookup, he finds himself in the stairwell with his BFF Craig (post-bipolar diagnosis, pre-coke fiend phase).

It's such a great scene because it demonstrates what a non-issue Marco's sexual orientation is to Craig. He gives his friend a "You're awesome and if one of us was a chick, I'd be all about you"-style pep talk and when Dylan walks in and Marco kisses Craig in a last-ditch attempt to make his lovah jealous, Craig's reaction is awkward and bemused, but not at all homophonic. Well done, Degrassi.