It was bound to end this way

Fox cancelled Drive. Who had two weeks in the pool?

Days of Our Interns

Did I miss the moment when Grey's Anatomy dropped all pretenses and just became a full-on soap opera? The bed swapping and power plays are one thing, but now we've got amnesiacs, long-lost children and Cristina's ex with his arched eye brows and black scrubs of malevolence. I keep expecting John Black to pop up and tell us that Stefano's Meredith's biological father.

Instant Star: Nowhere to Run

Just a week after I'd decided it was back, Instant Star let me down again. Everything felt forced, from Spiederman hiding his solo demo from the band to Jude firing Tommy. The opportunities for real drama (Sadie's reaction to finding out Jude and Tommy were running around behind her back) were ignored. Jude was a brat, Spied's song wasn't that good and I didn't buy for a second that Portia was going to join forces with Hunter and his man-bangs of evil.

Why am I still holding out hope that the season will take a turn for the better?


That's why.

Who I Love Right Now: Margo Martindale

Her portrayal of a Nina on The Riches is just spectacular. She's a loose cannon in the guise of a PTA mom, a sunny exterior with the twitchy interior of an addict. I love it. Some of the lines she's given are of the Look-How-Shocking-Suburbia-Is! variety, musing that abusing PRESCRIPTION pills it's a big deal and telling a virtual stranger that she and her husband haven't had sex in 5 year, but Martindale pulls it off effortlessly with a deep laugh and some of the deadest eyes I've ever seen.

Bad news/Good news

Bad news: I thought Drive was premiering NEXT week and I totally missed it. Good news: It can be watched online at http://www.myspace.com/driveonfox

Instant Star: 18

Ah, remember the good ol' days, when the only thing keeping Tommy and Jude apart were those pesky statutory rape laws? Now she's 18 and to keep everyone's favorite (Canadian) starcrossed lovers apart, the writers have come up with...Hunter. Fresh from prison (where I'm sure his male model looks made him quite popular), he's shown up to seek revenge on Tommy because "revenge is the best revenge." I'm gonna go ahead and guess that Hunter didn't earn a degree in English while behind bars.

Jude and Tommy haven't told anyone about their blossoming affair, but her dad finds out and after giving Tommy a good talking to, tells Jude that she has to be the one to tell Sadie she's dating her ex. Her dread about telling Sadie is exactly why Jude doesn't want to go along with Tommy's idea to sing a song he wrote at her birthday party.

Jude tries to tell Sadie, but it quickly becomes clear that big sis is still hung up on Mr. Q. Sucks for Kwest, who has presumptuously rented a room at the hotel where Jude's soiree is being held ("Happy birthday, Jude! You're sister and I are going to consummate our kind of iffy relationship!") and has no idea that his girlfriend is still pining for his former buddy.

At the big party (inexplicably themed "Dirty Thirties"), Jude decides she's gone too far with the whole "Don't tell anyone about Tommy thing" and after talking to her Dad, she decides to serenade her man in front of everyone. Little does she know that her new pal Hunter has a homicidal vendetta against Tommy and he's vowed to destroy everyone Tom loves.

Her jazzy rendition of Tommy's new song tips off Hunter (and the rest of the room) to the Celine et Rene dynamic of their relationship. Desperate to protect Jude, Tommy tells her (in front of her friends, family and the press) that she’s drunk and making a fool of herself. Jude proves how far she’s come since her similarly humiliating Sweet 16 by brushing him off and pretending the song was for her dad, which would actually be super creepy, but whatev.

Instead of privately explaining that Hunter's EVIL, Tommy proceeds to get pathetically drunk and Sadie, having just responded to Kwest’s declaration of love with “Thank you,” takes away his car keys and leads him to his rented room. Jealous Portia (remember, she used to be married to Tommy before he cheated on her with Hunter’s dead sister Angie) tells Jude where she can find him. Our girl walks in to see her sister kissing her boyfriend (yeah, I'm pissed for Kwest too). She tells Tommy it’s over and leaves with her dignity.

Meanwhile Pagan’s getting to know Jamie via his super-sad “my girlfriend’s dead” itunes playlists. The aging rocker gets him to open up about his feelings and together they pen and “I’m sorry I blamed you for Patsy’s death” missive to Jude. Deciding it’s not too late to be a part of his best friend’s birthday, Jamie rushes to the hotel just in time to whisk Jude away from her Tommy-inflicted trauma.

They go to her rehearsal space to eat take out, dance and reconnect as buddies. He gives her a priceless Pagan guitar-strap and the letter. She’s touched, and gives him a sweet, but platonic kiss. I love Jude and all, but if she hurts that boy again I will wring her scrawny neck myself.

Speaking of people who deserve a nice bitch slap, kissing Tommy has made Sadie understand that she’s in love with Kwest. Too bad Kwest doesn't buy the lame claim that the affection test was "for us." Meanwhile Spiederman wants the world to know that he’s with Karma (I'm not sure why either). She's against this, but ultimately decides that since he’s Jude’s guitarist, their romance will generate press interest in her upcoming record. So then it's cool to come out as a couple. You know who's a bigger bitch than even Karma in this situation? Spiederman.

Next week: Hunter's still homicidal and Jude fires Tommy!

School's Out and life sucks

This weekend I had the opportunity to watch a VHS copy of School's Out, the TV movie that concluded the original Degrassi High series. In stark contrast to shows like The OC and Dawson's Creek, which both went out on impossibly happily ever after notes ("Summer and Seth got married!" "Jen's dead!"), School's Out really stayed true to its roots and went out on a huge downer.

Are you a fan of The Next Generation's Manny/Craig/Ashley storyline? Relive it with Tessa/Joey/Caitlin. Betrayal! Abortion! Joey's bare ass! I, for one, no longer care that Caitlin cheated on Joey with Kevin Smith and dumped his bald ass. His high school self owes her a huge karmic debt and that turn events doesn't even begin to cover it.

And only Degrassi would take their blue collar bad boy and in the finale, put him at fault in a case of vehicular manslaughter. The OC ended with Ryan as a benevolent architect. Degrassi ended with Wheels behind bars after driving drunk and killing a toddler. Not even The Next Generation had the stones to kill the dude Sean hit while completely sober.

I bow to the original Degrassi. I'm not worthy of your go-thereness.

M-O-O-N, that spells an afternoon well-spent

When I was in junior high, someone was genius enough to turn Stephen King's The Stand into an epic six-hour mini-series. This weekend, Sci-Fi was genius enough to air it in its entirety. Luckily I didn't know this 'til AFTER I gotten several errands out of the way. Otherwise I'd have spent all of my Sunday on the couch, ignoring the laundry and soaking in the goodness that is The Stand.

Released during the heyday of the mini-series (other choice examples from the era include Queen and Oklahoma Passage), this one was particularly influential. First, it inspired me to read King's 1100+ page book. Second, it convinced me to get an ill-advised bob like Molly Ringwald's. Third, it caused me to daydream constantly about Gary Sinise. In defense of my 12 year-old self, this was pre-Lt. Dan and he's both talented and smokin' hot.

Watching this mini-series, I started to miss the genre. It's bad enough that I can only get my woman-in-peril TV movie fix on Lifetime, but the mini-series is practically MIA these days. That's why I'm looking forward to The Starter Wife. I haven't read the book and towards the end of Will & Grace, I found Debra Messing about as appealing as a rabid howler monkey, but I'm excited about an adaptation that will stretch more than 90 minutes, but less than 22 hours. Not too hot, not too cold, just right.

Devil Town

Last night's episode of Friday Night Lights was outstanding television. It wasn't the series best, but it was purt near close. In a perfect world, we'd have gotten two episodes at State and ended the first one right after the half. As it was, I felt like they tried to squeeze just a bit too much in. For example, I could have done without Lyla and Tyra's ending reconciliation. That, on top of Lyla dumping her cheerleading gear, felt forced. Sure, their earlier interaction with the car and the mutual understanding (and the look on Tyra’s face as she realized Street could cheat) was great, but I really don't need them to be BFF.

Speaking of the car, Landry and his ever-growing pack of cranky, singing, pre-menstrual ladies was wonderful. He didn’t even get to play the sweet Crucifictorious tunes with which he’d planned to woo Tyra…

Despite the intrusive media narration (something from the pilot that I didn't miss during the rest of the series), the show was on top of its game. Jason Street seeing his parents in the stands right after his team won state? What a perfect mix of joy for the present and heartache for the past. The Taylor's argument over whether or not Eric will take the job at TMU? I wouldn't have bought it from a lesser show. And poor Matt Saracen lugging around all that anger about Coach's perceived betrayal? Their hug on the field made up for the slightly lame slow clap later in the locker room. Also, I'm pretty sure he told Coach he loved him, which is maybe the sweetest damn thing ever to be recorded for posterity.

Of all the beautiful moments and tiny missteps, here’s the piece of the finale that has stayed with me all day: the Bright Eyes cover of Daniel Johnston's "Devil Town" over the parade. My first reaction was naked shock that they were following up Coach's declaration to remember the people (Billy and MamaSmash and Grandma Saracen) who will never give up on them with the implication that those people and the rest of Dillon are bloodsuckers. But then the song was so melancholy and beautiful that I decided the producers were trying to evoke the fleeting glory of the situation rather than render the citizens of Dillon as dusty, pathetic people clinging to a tradition made inappropriately large.

It's not like they just dropped in Foo Fighters' "My Hero;" it was a deliberate song choice that risked hurting a lot of the people who are hesitant about the show to begin with. Ultimately, I think that the song is a lot like the show: neither a celebration nor a condemnation, but something a lot trickier and a lot more true.

What do these two men have in common?

Other than WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER and holding the key to my heart?

Paul Rudd will soon guest star on Veronica Mars! It's back on Tuesday, May 1. Set your tivo!

Battlestar Galactica viewing update: Done!

BIG FRAKKING SPOILER ALERT

I've scooped my brain back into my head and I'm slowly regaining the ability to think about things other the final five (now down to possibly one) and whether Starbuck's real or just in Apollo's head the way Six and Baltar are in one another’s.

Everyone's right: the show is fan-frakking-tastic (yeah, I'm gonna use "frak," deal with it). Remember when Starbuck bugged me? Yeah, me neither. Love her. Love the hair, love the tats, love that she's a complete dude. Off shoot of my Starbuck love: Sam. Love! And you know what? Tory and Seelix need to step the frak off.

You know who I wanna be when I grow up? President Laura Roslin. Sometimes she makes horrible calls: "Let's pretend Hera's dead," "Biological weapons? Don't mind if I do!" but she's such a bad ass! Ooh... except I don't really wanna have terminal cancer or all those weird visions. They seem like a drag. Also a drag, being betrayed on the stand my Lee for the sake of justice. I agreed with his rationale, but when she quietly reminded him of the trust they once shared, Mary McDonnell plucked out my heart and slammed it to the ground. Then she took her sensible shoes and stomped the life out of it with the declaration that she's not a druggie, bitch; her cancer's back.

In addition to the cylon-mindfrak, you know what caught me off guard? The realization that Billy is Will from Nobody's Watching. Who frakking knew?

Okay, that was one too many fraks. I'll stop...

The Perfection of Lame

You know what's pitch perfect about Friday Night Lights? I know, pretty much everything, but today, let’s get specific. The show embraces foibles and unpolished speech patterns in a way that makes me feel like I’m sitting at the Taylor’s kitchen table and they’re not actors or characters, but honest-to-God citizens of Dillon, TX.

Don’t get me wrong: I still love Veronica Mars and her clever pitter patter, but there’s something so refreshing about those generally inarticulate Panther boys. Their jokes at the Roast ("When Matt Saracen started, he was so shy he had to email his plays," "How 'bout Saracen sleeping with Coach's daughter?") were the epitome of lame high school boy jokes. Even the usually snappy Tyra's angry insult to Landry (she actually called him smelly) was perfect in its inherent lameness. It was much more cutting and sad than if she’d actually been able to articulate why she was so hurt.

The lame jokes (remember Street’s Bill Clinton impression during the pilot?), the sentence fragments and sometimes-loose grammar… They’re a big part (aside from masterful storytelling) of Friday Night Lights’ perfectly imperfect world.

While we’re on the subject of perfect, how ‘bout that Landry?

Dear Office Hairstylist...

Stop it. You know what I'm talking about. I don't know if John Krasinski was rude to you at the craft service table or if you're inexplicably rooting for Roy, but there's no excuse for this kind of behavior. For shame, Office Hairstylist, for shame.

30 Rock got renewed!

So raise a glass to NBC and try to forgive them for the Black Donnellys. Which, by the way, has been officially cancelled.

Hey, is that Coldplay frontman and Gwyneth Paltrow-marryin' Chris Martin on The Tudors?

No. It's Tracker Cameron. You know, Sean's defacto guardian on Degrassi. After he (half) deafened that kid in Wasaga and his parents kicked him out? His older brother? That dude who worked on bikes a lot in their carport? Didn't take shit from Emma? Anyone?



See, NOW you remember.