Pilot vs. Pilot

Dirty Sexy Money is one of my favorite new shows, but I kept hearing about the original pilot, which features a long lost daughter with a major vendetta against the Darlings. That storyline, I was told, was the best thing about the pilot. So how could ABC have lost it and still maintained a show that I think is pretty freaking fantastic? I was curious and this weekend my friend Q was kind enough to lend me the original. Maybe it's because I saw the new version first and know where its mysteries lead, but I wasn't that taken with the original pilot. Nick is shifty, Juliet is a punchline and Tish is a borderline sociopath. Below are two versions of the same scene to give you an idea.

Original Pilot:

Aired Pilot:

See? I don't think I could have endured an entire season of that first family. They're so hard and... dead inside. Meanwhile, Darlings 2.0 are more buoyant and lifelike. In the current incarnation, I love Tish. Watching her quietly mourn the love of her life under her husband's nose is heartbreaking. The same emotions in the original pilot seem to signal that she's off her meds. And it's those meds that probably keep her from beating her family to death. Seriously, Tish 1.0 haaaates Juliet.

As far as the long lost daughter goes, I'm glad she was replaced by the mysterious Simon Elder as the president of the He Man Tripp Darling Haters Club. Getting dumped in Syberia and watching your parents die is a way better reason to want revenge than getting dropped off on the steps of an orphanage with a priceless bauble from your teenage mother.

In light of the strike and ongoing tension between writers and the networks and studios that employ them, I think the evolution of Dirty Sexy Money is a great example of what happens when those two entities work well together. Craig Wright created a wonderful show with bright, engaging characters, but I'm guessing network notes led to the stronger, better version. So lets all hope for a Christmas miracle in which everyone at the negotiating table takes a cue from Tish 2.0, softening the edges and cutting the vitriolic hatred by half.

Why do I watch crap?

It takes a lot for me to completely give up on a TV show. And even once I declare it dead and buried, it doesn't take much more than a little stunt casting or the promise of a particularly loathed character's death (see: Hill, One Tree) to resurrect my interest. I can justify certain shows because I've been watching them for years. Degrassi's a perfect example. It was never a conventional masterpiece (though it has more than earned its place in the pantheon of pop culture) so when I start having to slog through episodes of Emma and Sean blah blah blahing when I'd rather focus on something that doesn't make me wish Spike had just gone for the abortion, I can hang tough. I know that before long Manny or Craig will show up and do something explosively stupid/entertaining and all will be right with the world.

What's mysterious (even to me) is my stubborn ability to hang on to subpar shows from the get-go. What goes on with October Road? What goes on is that people have stupid syntax that makes me want to shake the writers by the lapels and beg them to give just one of the characters a voice that's not so reminiscent of the know-it-all douche I dated freshman year. Jeez! So why do I keep watching? I don't know! To be fair, I usually watch it on the computer while doing other things, but I still freaking tune in, eager to see what new complication will befall Nick and his gang of quasi-intellectual townies.

So if October Road and Kaya (which has crashed and burned in an inferno of missed dramatic opportunities and mediocrity) are still on my viewing schedule, what is it that makes me abandon shows like Gilmore Girls and The OC? Maybe it's the fact that watching a once great show's paler imitation of itself is infinitely more frustrating than laughing at the missteps and savoring the occasional victories of shows that have never shown as perfectly. It's all about expectations. And with the return of One Tree Hill nigh, I'm giddy with the prospect of our characters four years in the future (looks like Nathan's a drunk with long hair!). My expectations have never been lower.

Speechless Without Writers

Here's one of the clever videos from speechlesswithoutwriters.com, which is affiliated with United Hollywood. Fear not, I am still watching non-strike related entertainment. 30 Rock is rocking my world, Jeremy Darling is my new TV boyfriend, Friday Night Lights keeps breaking my heart in the best possible ways (Buddy and Santiago under one roof? I can barely stand how much I love and fear the possibilities) and Grey's Anatomy has worked its way back into my good graces.

Speaking of Grey's... What's with all of ABC's amnesiacs? Karev's Ava, Samantha Who?, Patrick on Men in Trees, Alexis on Ugly Betty. And last season, Desperate Housewives' sexy plumber had a case of the who-the-hell-am-I's. If you jump networks, you've got Milo Ventimiglia doing his blank slate schtick on Heroes and Joss Whedon's upcoming Dollhouse with a perpetually mind-wiped Eliza Dushku. Massive brain traumas are hella prevalent, y'all.

On Strike. Shut 'em down. Hollywood's a union town.

Makes sense to me.

Kaya: the new Instant Star

I’m not sure how Kaya, MTV’s new “scripted drama” (I love that they have to advertise that now since EVERYTHING else is a Laguna Beach spin-off), has not incited a lawsuit from the folks over at Instant Star. My guess is that MTV and The N being under the same corporate umbrella helps.

In addition to the similar premise (young girl becomes overnight rockstar), Kaya’s got an aspiring fashion designer BFF named Kat… er, Nat, an overly involved dad, an absentee mom, and a hardheaded music producer named Tommy… er, T. But it’s not like she and T have any sexual tension now that they’ve slept together.

The fact that she went ahead and had sex with the inappropriately older producer is what kind of sold me on the show. It’s like Instant Star with more grit and drugs and dead sisters talking from beyond the grave. Wait, I kind of loathe that last part. But I do like that the stakes seem astronomically higher for Kaya as she and her band yell their way through No Doubt-like tension and deal with bottom line-loving music execs in an attempt to make it beyond one hit wonder status.

I also like the flashbacks to the days when the band first got together. It’s nice to see their youthful exuberance juxtaposed with the jaded anger and resentment that came with making it big. And the music? Pretty damn catchy*. Check out the official video below. It’s been stuck in my head all day.

*Full disclosure requires me to admit that Alexz Johnson (AKA Instant Star’s Jude) is the most played artist on my iTunes playlist and that I recently purchased an import of Season 3’s soundtrack because I couldn’t wait until it was made available in the States. Please feel free to judge or commiserate as you see fit.

Moments in TV Awesome: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Unapologetically un-PC and always envelope-pushing, It's Always Sunny... is more hit than it is miss and whipping boy Charlie has slowly emerged as the consistently funniest member of the amoral gang. Even funnier than his illiteracy is his penchant for writing super kickass songs.

The Education of Jaime Sommers

It's confusing and hard to imagine, but last night was simultaneously the worst and best episode of Bionic Woman. Impressive?

The thing that made it excruciating was Jaime's "fake" British accent while undercover. It was spot on, which is logical since Michelle Ryan's British. But you know what calls attention to your sometimes-stilted American accent? Flawlessly throwing around phrases like "oi!" and "brilliant!" in your native lilt. It was unnecessary, overly inside-jokey and only made bearable by Jaime's banter with Herc from FNL.

And that's where the awesome comes in: Herc (no, I don't plan on learning his actual character name) is Bionic's Landry. He’s that adorable, kids. Also awesome was the introduction of a cute CIA love interest for Jaime. With the death of the boring botmaker, she’s due for a cute non-civilian to get her altered blood pumpin’.

I'm chalking up the unevenness of the episode to the showrunner changing of the guard and hoping for more palpable chemistry and less of the wink-wink shit.

Asshats, Rapists and Bitches: Canadian Style

It's that time of year again at Degrassi: talent show time. Interestingly, it's also time for Craig to be an ass (this time off-camera – impressive!), Ashley to be a bitch (must be a day ending in “y”) and Darcy to deal with something awful that has already befallen another character (she's followed Emma with internet predators, Manny with photo-happy Peter and now Paige with rape). My favorite Bible-thumper (sorry, Lyla) needs a break.

So Craig's post-rehab album has dropped and although he gave Jimmy a shout-out in the liner notes, Ashley's name was MIA. Makes sense (bitch cheated on him and dumped him via Ellie from across an ocean) except that she wrote one of the songs he recorded. Apparently copyright laws are different in Canada, cause Ashley martyrs that she can always make more music. At the Degrassi Talent Show. Sad. Jimmy tries to spice up her droning emo blahness with some freestyle rap (cause Jimmy raps now... please don't ask, cause I don't know) and Ashley gets a bug up her ass about being his sidekick.

Marco/Ellie/Paige’s new roomie conveniently wants Jimmy to perform at some open mic night thing he’s doing at a club. Ashley decides to throw her talentless self on the pyre of her dreams and let her better half perform alone. But when a record producer wants to hear more of Jimmy’s tracks with her as a producer, she decides to just send in her own stuff. Crippled, selfless boyfriend be damned. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: I hate Ashley.

On to poor Darcy… She wasn’t in the episode, but I’m pretty sure her rapist was. That’s right, I’m throwing around rape accusations like this was Veronica Mars. Previously on Degrassi: Manny thought a Lakehurst kid named Sav was cute so she and Darcy went on a snowboarding trip to be near him and assorted other kids. Darcy and Peter (who she’s dating despite the whole convincing her to do softcore and then leaking the pics to everyone and their dog thing) get into a fight and she ends up downing a spiked drink and losing her virginity. Shanae Grimes, who recently took home the Gemini Award for Best Actress on a Youth Program, did a great job of slowly peeling back the layers of Darcy’s confusion and despair as she realized that she hadn’t made a drunken mistake with her boyfriend, but had been raped by a stranger.

This week on Degrassi: Sav was back as a possible love interest for TeenMom. It was a boring storyline, but it kept ol’ Sav on the radar. There’s no way we’re done with Darcy’s rape storyline and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that charming Sav has the same dark complexion as the hand that slipped Darcy the roofies. Unless they’re going to introduce a random new ethnic character, my guess is that the rapist is either Sav or Manny’s cute Damian and I’m way less attached to Sav.

Next week: Degrassi goes Night of the Living Dead!

The "Oh no he di'n't!" Award of the Week goes to...

Tim Riggins. For trying to use Jesus (the Son of man, not the linebacker whose Mom makes killer empanadas) to get into Lyla Garrity's pants. Though shameful, it was hilarious and almost as awkward as his speech at the football banquet.

Short Takes

In light of TV kind of blowing lately, the blog’s been a little quiet. So let's get the ball rolling...

After a lackluster pilot, Bionic Woman keeps getting better and better with Friday Night Lights headwriter Jason Katims at the helm. And I love Starbuck with her crazy eyes and sneer of a smile.

Speaking of FNL, I'm sticking by it, murder and all.

Private Practice has made me cry three times. Plus, it’s like 30% less whiney than Grey’s Anatomy.

Aliens in America is fearlessly honest and laugh-out-loud funny. It’s my favorite thing on the CW, though the only other thing I’m watching is Gossip Girl. Yes, I just admitted that.

My Name is Earl and 30 Rock are even better than last year. Sadly, a full hour of The Office is a bit too much (though this week was leaps and bounds beyond the last few episodes).

Dirty Sexy Money is full of glittery, broken characters that I adore after only a handful of episodes.

Degrassi feels like déjà vu, but it’s funny déjà vu with awesomely bad hair.

The best part of Reaper is the Devil. The worst part of Chuck is Morgan. Captain Awesome is a close second.

Pushing Daisies is too quirky/precious for its own good, but Ned's a dreamboat.

I really don’t believe Ted would include so many sex stories in the ongoing tale of How I Met Your Mother.

And I hope Kristen Bell's superpower is keeping me awake during Heroes.

My favorite new character...

Whether he's viciously talking shit about Nick's recently deceased father or gruffly ordering his illegitimate son to pretend he doesn't speak English, Brian Darling is a Grade-A asshole. A thin veneer of piety covers his shallow, paranoid soul and I absolutely love him.

Dirty Sexy Money is my favorite new show of the season and it's Brian and the other Darlings who make it sparkle. Nick's the heart, but they're the fun.

You too can dress like your 2nd favorite* attempted date rapist

Don't get me wrong: I too find myself watching TV and thinking "Wow, that's a cute top. I wonder where I can purchase something similar?" I even enjoyed how last season on the CW website, you could look up things like what brand of jeans Lorelai was sporting or who made Veronica's fun graphic thermal. But as I was watching Gossip Girl online (what? I'm all about second chances -- see "Star, Instant"), I was a little grossed out by the happy little box that popped up to tell me where I could find Serena's $500 bag or Jenny's $250 purse, which... isn't Jenny supposed to be the poor one?

TV's a business. And it's not like Gossip Girl is The Wire. I expect brand name-dropping and product placement. There's just something about a thought bubble popping up in the middle of the alleged entertainment to entice me into an online purchase. "Isn't this a great song? It's The Bravery -- buy it NOW!!!" Back in the day of The OC, networks had the decency to say "Hey, now that the show's over, these were the catchy tunes featured." We live in a world of multi-tasking and cross-promotions. Maybe the target audience of Gossip Girl is so wrapped up in their simultaneous IM convos that they don't think twice about viewing and downloading and purchasing all at once. Maybe I'm just old.

*Your favorite attempted date rapist (Dick Casablancas) wouldn't be caught dead in Chuck's nancy-boy threads.

Does this make the wannabe Angel the new Duncan or Logan the new Spike?

God help me, I really wanted to like Moonlight. Sure, a vampire PI in LA, I've seen that before. But Angel didn't have Jason Dohring in all his snarky bad boy glory. Though I was disappointed, I'll admit that the same people who love spending their Friday nights with The Ghost Whisperer will also love seeing a vampire romance the online reporter he has been "watching over" since he saved her life when she was a child. Yeah, that's what I said. He's seen her grow up and now he's ready for a piece. Like James Woods only less wrinkly.

Dohring was fine. It took a while to warm up to hearing that nasal growl come out of the mouth of a different character (especially one in suspenders). And while he brings a dark, dry sense of humor to the role, it was still a bit like watching an undead Logan smack in the middle of his bum fights stage (which, to be fair, was one of his most amusing stages).

Speaking of Veronica Mars, I did squeak with glee when we learned that the dead girl was a coed at Hearst College. But as the characters spent more time snooping around the campus to find the faux vampire killer, I kept wishing Miss Mars would show up to school the blonde reporter in the ways of undercover espionage. Cause really? It was so obviously the TA. It's always the TA; Hearst has a terrible screening process.

Moments in TV Awesome: Grey's Anatomy

You know what? I like George and Izzie. Apparently I'm the only one in the Western hemisphere -- even Shonda Rhimes is like "I never said they were destined to be a great love story" -- but I think their storyline is perfect. I care a lot more about them as a couple than I do McDreamy and Meredith, who in the season opener both needed a big dose of SHUT UP.

Izzie's nice. George is nice. They're best friends and he's married so there's a lot of drama and forbidden angst. What's not to love about that? Is it that she's too hot for him? Cause I think George is pretty adorable and aside from the whole drunkenly cheating on his wife and being in love with another woman thing, in real life, he'd be a way better catch than, say, Karev.

So I present to you a moment that I think is awesome. And yes, I'm aware that their fan name is Gizzie.

Friday Night Lights returns October 5

Or watch it online until September 30 at http://tv.yahoo.com/falltv2007/friday-night-lights/show/38958/videos/4151897

It's times like this that you have to ask yourself, "WWRD?" And as someone who recently saw him at the airport, I'll tell you what Riggins would do. Look hot. Even while rockin' a do rag.

I may be a 13 year-old boy...

But does anyone else think Survivor China sounds like "survive vagina?" Brings new meaning to Outwit Outplay Outlast...

Fall Premiere Schedule

It's that time of year again. Here's a list of the TV shows I'm interested in and when they air. Sorry, Dancing with the Stars and CSI: Boring didn't make the cut.

MONDAY
September 24
8:00 Chuck (NBC)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
8:30 Big Bang Theory (CBS)
9:00 Heroes (NBC)
October 1
8:30 Aliens in America (CW)
October 15
9:30 Samantha Who (AKA I Am Sam) (ABC)
October 22
10:30 Kaya (MTV)

TUESDAY
September 25
8:00 Beauty and the Geek (CW - premiered last week)
9:00 Reaper (CW)
10:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

WEDNESDAY
September 26
9:00 Bionic Woman (NBC)
Private Practice (ABC)
Gossip Girl (CW – premiered last week)
10:00 Life (NBC)
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)
October 3
8:00 Pushing Daisies (ABC)
10:00 South Park (Comedy Central)
10:30 The Sarah Silverman Program (Comedy Central)

THURSDAY
September 27
8:00 My Name is Earl (NBC)
Smallville (CW)
Ugly Betty (ABC)
9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
The Office (NBC)
10:00 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX - already premiered)
October 4
8:30 30 Rock (NBC)

FRIDAY
September 28
9:00 Moonlight (CBS)
October 5
5:00 Degrassi (The N)
9:00 Friday Night Lights (NBC)
October 12
10:00 Men in Trees (ABC)

SUNDAY
September 30
9:00 Desperate Housewives (ABC)
October 21
8:00 Viva Laughlin (CBS)

Moments in TV Awesome: Dead Like Me

Surprisingly it doesn't even involve Mason and Daisy.

The hardest working girl on The N

I'm as happy as the next Canadian 13 year-old that Cassie Steele (Degrassi's Manny Santos) has joined Season Four of Instant Star, but does she have to have such bad hair? I get that her character is named Blu, but not even Pink takes her name that literally anymore. And it really does nothing for her olive complexion. Don't even get me started on her new Degrassi hair. Blonde with mini bangs? The only explanation that I can come up with involves her and Emma merging into one hormonal, sorta slutty pregnancy scare waiting-to-happen. Her hair on the Best Years was fairly normal (save the scenes with the Wonder Woman tiara), but her character has disappeared and so has my interest in the show. Not even Paige ODing on coke and twitching on the floor was enough to stifle my yawn.

Kristen Bell may or may not be filming outside my office. Right now. Or not.

So here's the deal. I work across the street from Palladium (in the building that was used as the NBS offices on Studio 60). Yesterday, one of the parking lots adjacent to the Palladium was being set up to film something.

This morning the Former Subletter (and current coworker) parked his car in a nearby lot and saw make-up people touching up a petite blonde actress whom he immediately thought was KB. "80-20" is his level of sureness.

Now about the set: it certainly looks like a Heroes set. It looks like a shipping yard and there's a big ass green screen behind the whole thing. This is way more exciting than the day we saw Bradly Whitford and Matthew Perry doing pratfalls outside a limo on the same stretch of asphalt.

UPDATE: The FS looked it up and Heroes films a couple of blocks away at Sunset Gowers Studios. So does Dexter. And petite blonde Julie Benz is on that show. The mystery continues!

UPDATE #2: Our IT dude saw the old Indian dude from Heroes at a nearby burger place. He said they were just coming from a shoot. But since the studio's nearby, that doesn't really confirm anything. But isn't he dead?

Gossip Girl Schmossip Girl

After being throroughly underwhelmed by the pilot for Gossip Girl, I started wondering why it didn't work for me. Uniformly attractive kids? Check. Fun locale and clothes to die for? Check. Seth Cohen-style misfit who's way to cute to be anonymous at even the poshest private school, but somehow is? Check.

The formula was there, but the spark wasn't. And then I got to thinking about another soap about uniform-wearing kids and misbehaving adults that recently caught my attention. Hollyoaks. I've only caught a handful of episodes on BBC America, but they've all left me wanting more. Uniformly attractive kids? Nope, some of 'em are pretty homely. Fun locale and clothes to die for? Not really. Pacey Witter-style teacher's pet who has now made a decidely non-Pacey move by turning on the mother of his unborn child and charging her with statch? Check!

American soaps are generally about the rich and fabulous and while I'm all for that brand of escapism, I'll take a good storyline about a pub explosion over a dull debutante debacle any day of the week.

Tim Gunn's Elements of Style

If I had a magic lamp, one of my wishes would definitely be for Tim Gunn to be my uncle. Though he wouldn't be terribly interested in my early years (beyond hand smocking Easter dresses and starting my first charm bracelet), we would grow close after picking out the perfect prom dress in a last minute rush. In my college years, we'd settle into a comfy routine of shopping and lunching at unbearably fancy places. He'd bemoan my penchant for flats and hoodies and I'd agree to at least try on the pumps and pencil skirts. Then Veronica Webb would show up to help me buy cute underwear, which would be fine. I would, however, forget to show up for my appointment with his weird life coach friend.

Opening Credits Bonanza: Original Themes

These shows not only had cool credits, they also had kickass theme songs with original lyrics to accompany them. Makes the folks over at Lost look like a bunch of slackers, am I right?

Before (and after) TV made them stars

Even though I bought it years ago on DVD (at Target for $5 so shut up), if DRIVE ME CRAZY is on TV, I'm watching it. As a connoisseur of the genre, I'll tell you that this underrated teen comedy falls somewhere between SHE’S ALL THAT and 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU. How have those involved fared since DRIVE ME CRAZY was released in 1999? Somewhere between FREDDIE and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Some of them got started on TV. Some of them are now TV stars. Some of them don’t work much. Let’s take a look!

MELISSA JOAN HART was the title characters on the sitcoms CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL (brilliant!) and SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH (not-so-brilliant). After playing DMC’s Type-A Nicole, she squeezed the last drop of entertainment value out of SABRINA and added director to her resume, helming episodes of the teen shows TANIA and SO WEIRD (starring, ahem, Alexz Johnson).

Like Hart, STEPHEN COLLINS was well-known from TV before playing her deadbeat dad. Since the death of his inexplicably long-running series 7TH HEAVEN, he has mostly stuck to appearing in films, but he did make a hilarious guest appearance last season on IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA.

Dreamy boy-next-door Chase (ADRIAN GRENIER) has also made forays into directing and films, but is now famous for playing coincidentally-named movie star Vincent Chase on HBO’s critically acclaimed comedy ENTOURAGE.

Of the supporting cast, HEROES star ALI LARTER is probably the most well known, but LOURDES BENDICTO played slain bank teller Eva on ABC’s short-lived THE NINE and after appearing on JACK & BOBBY, KERI LYNN PRATT had recurring roles last season on BROTHERS & SISTERS and VERONICA MARS (as the slutty sorority girl who seduced Patty Hearst). Also last season, Pratt’s boorish boyfriend JORDAN BRIDGES was a regular on CONVICTION and snooty KERAM MALICKI-SANCHEZ had a recurring role on THE L WORD.

And who wrote DMC? Drumroll, please. VERONICA MARS creator ROB THOMAS. Is it any wonder that the only fault I find in the film is in the execution and not the smart, quippy script?

South of Nowhere/North of Awesome

I love The N, but I'm wary of their non-Canadian programming. Beyond the Break? South of Nowhere? Those people are too pretty for The N! They're so shiny and cookie-cutter. I'm all for awkward stages and bad haircuts, Degrassi-style. My first thought upon seeing bits of South of Nowhere was "Wow. So it's like softcore for tweens? The two cutest lipstick lesbians on the West Coast found one another and spend all their time frolicking in SoCal. Yawn."

I was so wrong. What seemed like a wispy soap is an often heart wrenching drama about prejudice, family and love. In contrast to Degrassi’s issue of the week, SoN uses its issues as a backdrop for an ongoing story about a family that relocates from Ohio to Los Angeles. The heart of the show is Spencer, who upon moving to LA is drawn to sexually rebellious Ashley, the wild child of a rock star. Three seasons in, Spencer has come to terms with her sexuality, come out to an understanding father and a homophobic mother, and dealt with the loss of her first love. And now her new girlfriend is showing abusive tendencies. Drama!

Last season’s mostly peripheral turf warfare culminated in a drive-by shooting at prom. In the first episode of this season, it was revealed that Spencer’s overachieving adopted brother Clay was among the casualties. It takes balls to not only kill off a main character, but also to leave a gaping hole in his wake. You know what makes for compelling TV? His imperfect family and reluctantly pregnant girlfriend struggling to cobble their lives back together.

Degrassi Sneak Peak

So Season 7's going to freaking rule, y'all. And I have to say, the choice to integrate Lakehurst and Degrassi is potentially brilliant. The influx of new (and presumably younger) characters will keep the franchise going and the residual anger of JT's death will bring high school histrionics to new and beautiful heights.

Also? Can we talk about Manny's bangs (and eventual blonde dye job) and Spinner with a mutha scratchin' Mohawk? Hardcore!

Pilot Round Up: Part Uno

PUSHING DAISIES: Lee Pace? Bryan Fuller? Even before I read the script, I was inclined to like ABC's new "forensic fairytale." And I did. Now that I've seen the pilot (or pie-lette as it's so cutely labeled), I'm in love. It's the magic of Wonderfalls with healthy doses of Dead Like Me’s matter-of-fact, goofy darkness and Big Fish’s expansive visuals. I'm anxious to see where the story goes and also about how it will be received by a mass audience. Maybe its uniqueness will strike a chord. Maybe it'll be largely ignored like Fuller and Pace's other little masterpiece.

THE IT CROWD: Another one I wanted to like. It's not being picked up and it's just as well. I'm not sure why anyone was paid to write an almost exact replication of the UK version – save an Americanization or two and one dumbed down explanation of an originally absurdist joke. Oy. Instead of dwelling on miscasting and awkward execution, I'll just look forward to the UK's Season 2.

MISS/GUIDED: When I heard that Rob Thomas was going to be the showrunner of this one, I was so excited. Then he left amid "creative differences" and I was disappointed (don't you love this insight into my inner pysche?). I'm no longer disappointed. Judy Greer is a fantastic actress and very easy to root for. Sometimes I even felt myself rooting for her in 13 Going on 30 (and she's a villainous bitch in that). And yet, that fairly two-dimensional villain is way more interesting than her awkward guidance counselor in Miss/Guided. I don't even remember her name. And Brooke Burns (or Burke... the one who used to be blonde and broke her neck at some point) is completely flat as a generically bitchy former homecoming queen. I saw the twists coming from miles away and even then, they had me yawning.

SAM I AM: Speaking of 13 Going on 30, Christina Applegate's new show is a lot like a more grounded version of that film. And I mean that in a good way. This was a pilot that I wasn't apt to like. One of the co-creators, Cecelia Ahren, is a young, gorgeous writer whose first book I disliked so much I not only didn't finish it, I took it to the bookstore and demanded my money back. It's now been made into a film with Gerard Butler (mmm Attila...) so apparently not everyone had the same reaction. Anyway, I approached this pilot with the expectation that Ahren would once again disappoint. And she did. In that she didn't. Confused? Me too. Basically, I loved the pilot. Applegate has done no wrong since Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead and the supporting cast is stellar. Barry Watson is appealing as the mysteriously nice (ex)boyfriend and I'm already in love with Melissa McCarthy's cheerfully pathetic wannabe sidekick.

Opening Credits Bonanza: My Childhood

No matter where I was in the house, the first chords of these themes would send me running for the den.

Greek: Separation Anxiety

Last night, my bff/college roomie/hetero-lifemate Mac called and said "Do you remember how we used to IM each other from across the room? They're totally doing it on Greek." This is a variation on a conversation we frequently have about the show. “Remember when drinking before noon (on a week day) was socially acceptable?” “Remember theme parties?” “Remember when our friends took pharmaceutical psychostimulants to study for tests and didn't OD'd or get caught in order to teach us a lesson about life?” You get the idea: We miss college.

And this show, like college, is all about grey area. As much as I love me some teen melodrama, it's nice to see a show that presents the collegiate experience the way I remember it. And since I went to a very preppy Southern school, yes, many of my peers were that attractive and stylish.

The recent storyline about Ashleigh and Casey's faltering friendship really took me back. There were times in college when I found myself wanting to shepherd a friend away from a less-than-worthy suitor. And like Casey, I learned that imposing ones idea of perfection on ones friends rarely leads to a “Thanks You,” but more often to a forced look at ones own screwed up love life. What Case hasn't learned yet is that obnoxious college boyfriends often turn into husbands and people are more likely to side with a spouse than a bossy friend. Also, if you've protested too much, you end up seeming like a total cooze at the wedding.

Disclaimer: Mac did not marry a Travis. She married a Rusty in Evan's clothing. I think that comparison just got weird. I apologize.

Why Lifetime RULES

Miss Instant Star herself Alexz Johnson, Magda Apanowicz (Kyle XY's cancer-stricken Andy) and Degrassi's Emma and Alex (Miriam McDonald and Deanna Casaluce) will star in the Lifetime original movie Devil's Diary. Mark your calendars: September 22.

Kick Ass Casting News

Is it my birthday? Seriously. It MUST be. First I hear that yes, One Tree Hill will time warp into the future next season (awesome!). Also! Chad will now be a successful novelist facing a mean case of writers block (kind of a rip-off of former OTH hunk Bryan Greenberg on October Road, but I’m nothing if not forgiving). And then this news:
From People Magazine Online:
"Kevin Federline has landed a guest-starring role on the CW's One Tree Hill. In the multi-episode arc, the would-be rapper plays Jason, 'a cocky, enigmatic frontman' for No Means Yes, a legendary rock band in the show's fictional setting of Tree Hill, N.C, according to the network."

Somebody pinch me! This is so freaking rad! KFed and CMM could have a squint off to end all squint offs. The FORMER Subletter (he's asked to be referred to as such from now on) fears that the presence of these two behemoths of douche will be too much for one screen to hold. It’ll be like the end of Raider of the Lost Ark, all melting faces and soul sucking terror. I say it's as good a way to go as any.

Guess who's joining Heroes?!

From Variety:

"Peacock has snagged (Kristen) Bell for a key multiepisode arc of its sophomore sensation. Casting is a major coup for NBC since Bell -- who plays the title character in Judd Apatow’s upcoming 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' -- was reportedly being sought for several TV gigs, including a part on ABC’s 'Lost.'

Bell will make her first “Heroes” appearance in October. She’ll play Elle, a character described as a sexy, mysterious young lady who has ties to the supposed death of Peter, H.R.G.’s past and the future of Claire. Elle will kick off her arc by committing a serious crime, though it’s unclear whether she’s good or bad."

In related news: Guess who will now be watching Heroes?

Watch This NOW: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace is the creation of The UK Office's annoying IT guy Matthew Holness and The IT Crowd's socially retarded IT guy Richard Ayoade. It aired in the UK's Channel 4 in 2004 and thanks to the magic of the internet, it can be viewed on youtube. Hilarious is an understatement. Also check out their related 2006 series Man to Man with Dean Learner.

This is the second episode, "Hell Hath Fury," and it perfectly captures the gleeful misogyny of the characters. As a silly woman, it's the kind of straight talk I can appreciate.

Lonelygirl15 goes legit

Just like the Blair Witch before her, I knew Lonelygirl15's Bree was fake before I watched a second of footage. After reading the LA Times article, I watched a handful of episodes, was impressed with the new model for entertainment and then basically forgot about her. Then I heard Jessica Rose, the actress who played Bree, was in I Know Who Killed Me and I thought, "Good for her." Then I thought, "Wait. Now she's been exposed to Lohan. Maybe not so good."

Well Rose survived that experience and now she's got the recurring role of Zeta Beta pledge (and Rusty love interest!) Jen K. on Greek. Her fizzy energy is perfect for a character who's chatty awkwardness successfully plays down her beauty. And all that time confessionalizing to a web cam seems to have given her an appealingly unselfconscious style of delivery.

Opening Credits Bonanza: How I Met Your Mother

See? The opener doesn't have to be long in order to completely capture the tone of the show.

Don't You (Forget About Me)

One of my favorite types of TV episodes (coming in just after wacky Halloween specials) is the homage. They can be as blatant as Felicity’s Twilight Zone ep or as subtle as Battlestar’s nod to The Hunt for Red October. My personal favorite is also one of the most obvious: The Breakfast Club. Below are three translations of John Hughes’ classic tale of bonding during Saturday School.

Degrassi: The Next Generation “Take On Me” (2004): This is the most literal of the homages. Ellie is the Basketcase, Hazel is the Princess, Jimmy is the Jock, Sean is the Criminal and Toby is the Brain. Radditch dresses like Principal Vernon and works out quite disturbingly on a Swedish exercise ball while the kids take over the school. Rather than bridging cliques, Jimmy and Hazel hook up while Ellie and Sean bond over mutually freaking other people out, cementing their differences as couples. And all Toby gets is a pity kiss on a dare from Hazel. But that’s more than he usually gets. Especially since it's the episode directly following Manny and the Abortion (AKA "Accidents Will Happen"), this is not at the top of Degrassi's "go there" game.

Dawson’s Creek “Detention” (1998): The gang all get detention (for reasons ranging from assault to masturbation on school grounds) along with bad grrrl Abby (who claims to have participated in a gangbang prior to landing in Saturday School). Abby takes on the Judd Nelson role, instigating a game of Truth or Dare and happily prodding the tender participants of the Jen/Dawson/Joey triangle as she forces Dawson and Joey to share their first kiss under the guise of a dare.

Written by the wonderful Mike White, my favorite moment of this episode is when they chattily discuss TBC (as those Creekers were wont to do) and get to the “But where are the actors now?” topic. Pacey chimes in that Emilio Estevez “made those Duck movies. Those were classic!” Totally.

ER “Secrets and Lies” (2002): Not the first series one would think of when paying homage to TBC, this one is actually my favorite. After a dominatrix brings a client into the ER, Abby, Carter, Luka, Susan and Gallant get busted by Weaver for checking out the contents of her bag. When Weaver finds a dildo in her locker, the gang gets sentenced to a sexual harassment sensitivity seminar.

The instructor for the seminar runs several hours late and as a result, the characters get to know one another better. Abby and Susan bond, straight-laced Gallant reveals himself to be from an almost entirely military family and we learn that while Carter was deflowered by the help at an early age, Luka waited until his wedding night with his late wife. Instead of romantic relationships being built, we see them crumbling. Carter, taking on the antagonistic Judd Nelson role, goads Luke into a “friendly” duel and eventually reveals that he once had Weaver’s locker. By the end of the episode, Susan breaks it off with Carter and tells him that he should tell Abby he’s madly in love with her.

And now I leave you with the trailer for the original. Man, Saturday School was never this lifechanging at my school.

Alex goes there. Emma doesn't.

For someone who began as barely a character, just some girl to hang on Jay’s arm and throw dirty looks at Emma, Alex Nunez has come a long way. She left the baggy pants and wife beaters with the self-hating homophobia and as a proud lesbian, has embraced her unique hotness. Seriously, since when is Alex so smokin’?

In the two-part Season Six finale we focus on Alex (and to the Subletter’s dismay, on-again girlfriend Paige). Her mother’s occasionally abusive and always monosyllabic live-in Chad gets sent to the clink for identity theft. Among those he defrauded? BadMom. Now she and Alex are drowning in credit card debt and on the verge of being evicted. After getting a job as a server at a strip club (much to Paige’s disgust), Alex’s need for big money wins out and she takes to the stage. The most searing moment comes when Alex, having had enough of being treated like a whore by the patrons, quits and is accosted by BadMom, who will never understand what her daughter did to help the family. As BadMom calls Alex selfish for giving up a lucrative job, Chad walks in and we see that all Alex’s hard-earned money was used to bail the asshole out of jail. In that instant, Alex breaks free of her albatross of a mother and walks out of the needy bitch’s life. Of course, she walks straight into the needy arms of Paige, but what can you do?

In the land of people we no longer care about, Emma’s pissed that Sean wants to join the Canadian Army so suddenly she’s pregnant. She doesn’t trust the 99% accuracy of pregnancy tests and insists that it’s probably a false negative. Moron/bitch. She tries to use the non-baby as leverage to make Sean stay under her thumb, but he seems to think that having a child is an even more powerful reason to learn a trade and make money for a young family. Emma hates logic and informs her mom and Manny that she’s pregnant. As two people who have dealt with such a mistake, they make Emma take a pregnancy test, but before she can pee on the strip, she gets her period. Yay? She acts happy and like she wasn’t making the whole thing up, which is weird cause Miriam McDonald was totally playing it like “crazy girl lies about pregnancy scare” until that moment. Afterward, I think she and Sean broke up on good terms, it was kind of boring and I was busy enjoying the fact that Toby won Ice King and that the winter dance was filled with people (Ashley, Jimmy, the AfroTwins) who we hadn’t seen in a long, long time.

Next season: We’ll pick up in the middle of the school year and it looks like TeenMom will be back (boo!) along with other assorted Lakehurst toughs who will now attend Degrassi (yay!).

Opening Credits Bonanza: Buffy

A good opening credit sequence is like sorbet. It cleanses the viewer's palate and primes their appetite for the main course. Following the lead of Lost, more shows are forgoing the sorbet and just diving into the prime rib (or greasy burger). In the inaugural post of Opening Credits Bonanza, I’d like to celebrate Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The hard-driving score by Nerf Herder combined with rat-a-tat editing perfectly reflects the tongue-and-cheek thrill ride that is guaranteed to follow.

In the Season 4 episode "Superstar," recurring character Jonathan uses dark magic to insert himself into the lives of the Scoobies. In a stroke of surreal brilliance, the show incorporated this development into the episode's opening.

And in the realm of fanmade vids, the Buffy theme served as inspiration for an alternate opening sequence for fellow teen girl superstud Veronica Mars.

What ever happened to Nerf Herder?

Overthinking TV

So I was watching Greek the other day, enjoying a fun episode about date parties and sex, and I noticed nods to both Grey’s Anatomy and Ugly Betty. Not surprising since they’re both on ABC, Greek’s parent channel. What struck me as strange was that Grey’s Anatomy was referenced as a show that the characters watch, while Mode, Ugly Betty’s employer, was referenced as a magazine that everyone reads. Following that logic, Ugly Betty and Greek exist in the same universe. Spencer could be Betty’s summer intern. Zaniness could ensue.

Over on The N, things get even stickier. Aubrey Graham and Stacey Farber of Degrassi appeared as themselves on an episode of Instant Star. So in the universe of Instant Star, Degrassi is a popular Canadian show. But on a recent episode of Degrassi, the characters were singing a Jude Harrison song at Karaoke. So in the universe of Degrassi, Jude’s a rockstar. Logically those scenarios should negate one another and the Epitome Pictures back lot should implode, leaving a blackhole in the middle of Toronto. Though logically, I shouldn’t think this deeply about a show that isn't Lost.

A Reservoir of Steel

I’ve read complaints that Rose Byrne isn’t tough enough to hold her own opposite Glenn Close on FX’s addictive new drama Damages. After the first two episodes, I beg to differ. I can’t wait to watch her transform from the fresh-faced, easily-manipulated associate of the flashbacks to the present-day woman sitting in a police interrogation room, wearing a dead-eyed glare and her fiancé’s blood.

I have a feeling that during that journey, Byrne will allow Ellen to gain her own footing, if only to lose it horrifically in the end. Speaking of horrific, remind me never to let Glenn Close pet-sit.

Moments in TV Awesome: Veronica Mars

Dick started out as a day player, merely one of Logan's minions who got to say things like "Let's kick his ass." When he was given a bigger role, that of Logan's main goon, he was just a malevolent source of comic relief. Then Beaver died and we got to see a more complex dick and some nice work from Ryan Hansen. I now present an evolution from dick to Dick.




Now let's hope he just gets the drinking under control in cancellation heaven.

The Best/Worst Years

So The Best Years went from promising to bad to so bad it's awesome. In last week's episode, they were all at a pep rally and some jock refused to let Samantha (that's her with the brown hair and the bangs) see superstar jock Devon (dread dude) unless she proved her school spirit by jumping over a lame ass bonfire. Seriously. And she was all set (with everyone chanting after Devon announced her totally awesome intentions to the crowd), but she stopped short and Devon looked like "Man, you really don't love me if you're unwilling to jump over fire for me. Bitch." Then his actual girlfriend Shannon (not pictured) pathetically leapt over the flames and into his arms. It was so lame that I watched it three times. And it didn't stop being funny.

Then the shit got even better. Devon and Samantha both PHYSICALLY ATTACKED their romantic rivals for each others affection and sweet nerdy Cynthia (not pictured) got super drunk after seeing her crush Noah (far left) kiss Samantha and said to Sam: "In Sammy's world, everything's just peachy...she gets whatever and whoever the hell she wants. Well Sam, guess what, in Cynthia's world, I see through your lies and if I could go back in time, you would have died that night and not John. You would have cracked your head on the hard ground. You. You stupid, self-obsessed, backstabbing bitch." I know! And while all that was going on, a scene from the show-within-the-show, Bel Air High, was playing and in THAT, Manny from Degrassi was coming onto Snaps (the chick with the curly hair). And that's when I knew that there was no way for me to turn away from a masterpiece like The Best Years.

When a good show goes bad, it's called jumping the shark. This episode of The Best Years inspired the Subletter to coin a new phrase: Jumping the fire. It's for that special moment when a bad show becomes legendary (see: Hill, One Tree).

This week was even better. There was an actually good storyline involving Snaps and the Bartender (the dude pictured with her in the middle) finding out that their beloved Lee is HIV positive. Snaps and Bartender are my favorite characters (and the best actors) but I totally don't know their actual character names. Weird. Anyway, the rest of the hour was a countdown to Cynthia's living up to the promos and trying to kill herself. Unfortunately, the character is mentally ill and was most likely molested by her dad and no matter how you come at that (even with bad acting and crazy behavior) that's not hilarious. But you know what is hilarious? Samantha literally trying to talk Cyn off a ledge with this bon mot: “If you do this, it’ll be all my fault. It will mess me up forever if I have to watch you do this.” Cynthia was right. She is a self-obsessed bitch.

Weevil love you long time...

...Just not on Veronica Mars. He will, however, appear on the next episode of my favorite LA crime drama, The Closer, on Monday, July 30 at 9 on TNT (confession: I usually watch the repeat on Tuesday). So come to find out what's wrong with Brenda (pregnancy is obvious, maybe it's something scarier) and stay for Weeves. You know you miss him.

Moments in TV Awesome: Wonderfalls

Wonderfalls was a brilliant (and only slightly flawed) show that blended the absurd and the ordinary with healthy doses of surreal sarcasm. I recently saw Michelle Featherstone perform live and I suddenly realized where I'd heard her haunting voice before: over this perfectly heartbreaking scene.

Jaye has come to tell Eric that she loves him and stop his impending remarriage to his whoring wife Heidi. Unfortunately, Eric has made his own momentous decision, to stop waiting for Jaye to admit she loves him and to honor the vows he made to Heidi. Oof.

Why Emma's a bitch, Reasons 4,037 - 4,041

Emma and Sean are going to have sex (yeah, as Manny pointed out, we've heard that one before) so she takes into account the mistakes of her mother and best friends by getting a prescription for birth control and stocking up on prophylactics of the presumably correct size. Yay, Emma! But then Snake finds out and is understandably freaked out. He tells Spike that as one of Emma's parents, he'd like to contribute to the sex discussion and Emma glibly says that he contributes by cooking nightly dinners. Like a servant. Instead of acknowledging his feelings and explaining that she's protecting herself and capable of making her own decision, Emma plays the "You're just my STEP dad" card. Excuse me, bitch, would you rather have the sex talk with your REAL dad? The one who tried to KILL your mother while she was in labor? The one who's literally kind of retarded? I didn't think so.

So after being a complete cooze, Emma approaches Snake at school and accuses him of being unable to handle that she's "a sexual being." Ick. Meanwhile, he's like, "Can we talk about this later, I'm trying to fix a computer and I'm at work." To further awkward up the situation, Emma turns her power point assignment into a lecture on how men stifle women's sexuality. There's some blathering about double standards and she has somehow talked stupid, stupid Sean into posing shirtless for this project. I'm guessing he's also the one who bound her with duct tape, a symbolic move that will be forever be seared into the brain of her hapless father figure. And after all this horrible behavior, Snake tells her that she's right and apologizes for taking her growing up so hard. Argh! Does it mean I'm too old to watch Degrassi if I'm like "I'd ground that bitch for a month"?

Speaking of bitches, Paige has three: Spinner, Ellie's recent ex Jesse and Miss Alex, who against all odds, still loves herself some Michalchuk.

Toothless Secularization

Side Order of Life, in all its Ally McBeal-lite zaniness, is so damn blah. At the root of this is what I assume is a fear of turning off viewers with talk of the G word. That’s right, God has been replaced by “The Universe,” which is trying to tell our Calista-like protagonist that she needs to focus deeper than the shiny surface of life.

The milquetoast choice for our main character to undergo an existential crisis without any real spiritual questioning (even Wonderfalls’ narcissistic Jaye wondered if she was talking to God or the Devil) is indicative of the rest of the show’s problems. Everything is pleasant, never really plunging the depths of what could be a really interesting story. Sure, it’s not so nice that Vivy has cancer, but she retains her moxy and lives only to spout clichés about living life to the fullest (though she turns down a seductive gesture from a cute friend – who has time to screw when you’re fixing your BFF’s boring life?). Jenny’s news piece about the woman with three husbands and a lover? It all works out fine (and allegedly Pulitzer-worthy)! The lady wasn’t LEGALLY married to anyone so no need for any icky consequences.

From a network that so recently stepped up with the compellingly warts-and-all Army Wives, I’m disappointed in the utter meh of Side Order of Life and the usually sparkling Lili Taylor’s similarly lackluster State of Mind. My Universe, I’m looking forward to Holly Hunter’s new TNT show Saving Grace. It looks like it may have the balls to make more thought-provoking statements than “He’s like a great pair of shoes that’s not in your size.”

Similar Show Smackdown: Greek vs. The Best Years

Both shows are about college, but the similarities don't stop there! They each feature a campus celebrity, a token black dude, a shaggy lothario with a heart of gold and a girl who gets into a sorority despite mugging down with the boyfriend of one of her future sisters. So who will win in this cable TV fight-to-the-death?
Rusty and Casey, the brother/sister stars at the forefront of Greek, are pretty damn perfect. They have a sweet sibling chemistry that I really buy and I'm already invested in the variety of characters that fill out their lives. I love the subtext-laden, but all smiles talk that Casey had with the pledge who unapologetically screwed Casey's boyfriend as well as the loyalty of Rusty's new brothers. Sure they kept him up all night doing light gardening in the backyard, but they're not going to let him flunk a pre-requisite for his major. Some of the sorority girls are a little cartoonish (mostly the president), but for the most part, Greek's an honest portrayal of the college life I experienced (though for the record, I was not in a sorority).

Other things I was not in college: a former foster child who witnessed and was tempted to cover up a death on the first day of school. The Best Years had an impressive pilot, but the following episodes have been a little on the meh side. The wad has been blown on the will they/won’t they relationship between Samantha and Devon. I’m dreading the future storylines that revolve around a couple that I actively dislike as a pair. I suppose it’s asking too much for our heroine to notice a sweetie like Noah, who despite looking 30, has won my heart. Who else do I love against my better judgment? Dawn and Trent with their actual will they/won’t they tension. And now that Kathryn’s ceased her inexplicable war against Samantha, maybe she won’t make me wanna gouge my own eyes out.

Here's what it comes down to, kids: honestly good TV vs. Canadian(?) Teenage Melodrama. I love both, but while I’m watching The Best Years for the veiled references to and guest appearances by cast members of Degrassi, I'll be watching Greek because I’m genuinely want to spend time with these characters.

Snap Judgements: A Model Life

So Petra Nemcova's hosting a new show on TLC. The premise? She mentors young models who have the opportunity to win a modeling contract and get a foot hold in the industry. Sound familiar? Yeah, I'm hoping Tyra invites her to come on her talk show, where she'll go all Naomi Campbell and make that whole Tsunami thing seem like a picnic. That said, Petra's show (for better and worse) seems a lot more realistic, which makes for compelling TV.

British beauty Abigail is one of my favorites so far. Mostly because she doesn't seem like a bitch. The modeling agents aren't sure if she's a model or just a 16 year old kid. I was impressed when she shyly admitted that music's her passion and that she plays clarinet, saxophone, flugelhorn, and piano. That's so adorable.

Angelika's a douchebag. A California girl who doesn't really want to model, just make a "difference," she equates depth with dressing like a hobo and being rude and distant. My favorite moment? When a friendly makeup artist asked who her favorite models were and her response, dripping with disdain was "It's more about who my favorite PEOPLE are."

Beatrice is Brazilian and kind of dumb. At first I thought it was a lost in translation thing, but now I'm thinking it's an "I dropped out of school at 14 to model" thing. The most real moment of the episode came when she was told by one of the agents that she was too heavy to do an upcoming show and she'd need to lose weight. Instead of crying and talking about how unfair that was Top Model-style, she nodded and said "In the hips? Okay." Wow. On so many levels.

Lucia's Slovakian and I kind of love her. She's giggly and fun and has big blue eyes. She's quite friendly and her perfect English is a result of wanting so badly to make it as a model. As a person who flubbed college French, I have to give her props on that one.

Michelle’s one of those totally awkward weird models. When she arrived in New York, her hair was BAD. Apparently it’s very curly and she’s had two not-so successful straightening perms. Issues with curly hair? I feel ya, girl, but that short cut? Yikes. The agents try to fix it, but just make her look more alien, which could just be her thing. She kind of reminds me of early Twiggy.

Aussie Valeria’s favorite actor is Seann William Scott. If I didn’t love her before that admission, I do now. She’s the prettiest without makeup, very fresh and sweet, but in their first photo shoot, she was quite bland. I'm still rooting for her, cause damned if I don't love an underdog.

Will I watch A Model Life next week? Maybe if I have another sad Friday night of watching What Not to Wear and catching whatever's on afterward. If not, I'll probably end up spending a future Sunday being sucked into one of those marathons that make the world stop and to-do lists disappear. Hmmm. Marathons...

Kick Ass Casting News: Smallville

Need two reasons to watch Smallville next year? Michael Cassidy (Hidden Palms's Cliff, The OC's Zach) is all but confirmed as a new Lois love interest and Laura Vandervoort (Instant Star's Sadie) will be Supergirl. So yes, I'll be swallowing the bile that rises every time I look at Lana and tuning in. The addition of Canadian Vandervoort is especially fun since one of my favorite TV games is Spot the Working Canuck Actor. Vancouver-based shows like Kyle XY, Battlestar, Eureka and Men in Trees are positively chock full of Canadians you never knew you always loved.

In sad casting news (not Fillion on DH sad, but close), Sam Huntington is going to be on ABC's Geico Cavemen sitcom. Maybe it'll be a savvy parody of modern racism. Maybe Huntington will bring the same wide-eyed humor he rocked in Not Another Teen Movie and Veronica Mars. Or maybe he'll be buried under mounds of prosthetic makeup and bad jokes. No matter what, I'll now have to give it a courtesy look. Damn my loyalty.

Degrassi: Free Fallin'

Paige's life is imploding just as ex girlfriend Alex is coming into her own (top grades, cute new girlfriend, adorable new makeover). At prestigious Banting, Paige is suddenly no longer a big fish in a little pond. She's under tremendous pressure and has started having panic attacks and acting a little wacky (intentionally setting a trashcan fire, plagiarizing and essay, lying to her friends about a scholarship back in Toronto). Like I said, wacky.

Lauren Collins pulls off Paige's sometimes hard-to-follow actions and the bizarro world she finds herself in is something a lot of high school overachievers stumble into. I remember the sudden stress of studying subjects that didn't come as easily and worrying about impressing (or just not disappointing) intimidating professors and proud parents. Her downward spiral is reminiscent of the meltdowns in her rape storyline, but it feels like the writers haven't taken into account how much stronger she's become since moving past that Season 2 heartbreak.

My favorite moment of the episode: Marco singing the Instant Star ditty "Anyone But You" at Karaoke.

Moments in TV Awesome: American Idol

This moment is why Kelly Clarkson is a star. She's got the chops, but she's also so endearing. This performance still gives me chills.


Fantasia is the first idol I was all about. I voted for her non-stop and this performance had me in tears. Literally. I was shocked, but it was so moving and perfect. Stick around after the performance for Quentin Tarantino's comments.


The fact that Carrie Underwood's a fellow Okie was all I needed to start rooting for her, but this was the jaw-dropping performance that blew me away.

Jake Kane in the bedroom with a revolver

Hidden Palms is over. Yawn. Cliff was so trustworthy and sweet the whole episode that I was totally prepared (and excited) for him to get away with murder. Then the mention of Skip's long ago affair with Maria (and let's face it, the proximity of Secor as a shady dad) made me wonder if Greta and Eddie were half siblings. It would have given us a reason as to why he was boffing secret BFF Liza (he could no longer stomach the wooden affection of his half-sis!). And it would have given Greta Blah Blah Boringcakes a motive. Sort of.

Greta as the killer is about the only thing that would have redeemed her in my eyes. But, of course, she was an unwitting bystander in the murder(s) and the cover-up(s), just as she is in life. A catalyst and a whiner, but not a girl of action, that one.

The series was wrapped up fairly tidily with a bit too much happily ever after for anything with such a moody title sequence and so much freaking suicide. Bob and Mom are going to be married forever, Cliff and Nikki are going to give a plain ol’ dysfunctional teenage relationship a shot, Liza and Greta hugged and apparently Johnny’s now over his dad’s death. Or something. Oh and Skip will no doubt be brought to justice for the 2-3 murders he carried out.

Even with its literal bang, Hidden Palms sputtered its last breath, skidding to a halt as it ran low on different ways for Johnny to be led astray by people he should seriously not trust. I'll miss Cliff, Nikki and Leslie Jordan. Dog kicking, alcoholism and stone sober drag queen-ery has never been so fun.

Damn it, Fillion!

I don't wanna watch Desperate Housewives. I don't have time to fit it into my viewing schedule and frankly, I can't stand Gabrielle or Lynette or Teri Hatcher. Or that girl who plays Teri Hatcher's daughter. So don't expect me to follow you over to that soapy "satire" just because you're a-going*.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ie1d5fd3d6e69dbc7844738feedb2c3a3

*I'll totally be tuning in, for I am weak and he is Fillion.

Color me surprised

Instant Star must have sucked away my good will when it came to the folks over at The N 'cause I didn't have high hopes for The Best Years. Then I heard Lauren Collins of Degrassi would play a recurring character and I figured I'd give it a chance. LC doesn't appear in the pilot, but it's actually quite good.

The story revolves around an orphan who's been in fostercare since her parents' death ten years ago. Now she's moving on up from a foster home in Southie to a Harvard-like university where her classmates include a status-conscious roomie, a nerdy Asian chick, a basketball player with Wallace Fennel syndrome (short, but allegedy awesome) and the star of an overwrought teen drama that bears more than a passing resemblence to Degrassi (her character's name was Snaps Ortega).

The characters are well-drawn and more three dimensional than a lot of teen shows (Hidden Palms, I'm talking to you), the plot took dark turns I certainly didn't see coming, and it makes a nice companion to the summer episodes of Degrassi. That said, Samantha looked a little wobbly on her moral high horse towards the end of the episode, but being a little bit of an asshole is kind of what college is all about.

The pilot episode is currently available in The N's online media player, The Click, at the-n.com

Moments in TV Awesome: The OC and SNL

I watched a tape of this season's finale over and over again, such was my love for this plot point. It had the potential to be a really cool turn for Marissa as a character and for her relationship with Ryan. Sure, she was trying to save him, but she SHOT his brother. That's rad. In the end, the show decided to forgoe any character development and went with a mind-numbingly stupid series of events in which everyone hated Marissa for saving Ryan and the police were sure Ryan was behind the shooting, despite overwhelming crime scene evidence to the contrary. Also, Trey living was LAME. So maybe this was the beginning of the end, but it was still all kinds of kick ass.


Also kickass was SNL's belated, but hilarious parody. And Samberg even kinda looks like Trey.